This One is for You Men

Ok men, I have some questions for you and since I’m asking questions, I would LOVE for you to answer some of them. Think about what I’m going to say and answer honestly. My questions are about the fears that many women who are going bald have about their men leaving them or not being able to find a suitable mate because they are losing their hair.

So…here it goes:

You meet a woman unexpectedly and you are immediately attracted to her. You get to know her and guess what, you fall in love. She is everything you have ever wanted in a woman and she adores and loves you fully. Everything is going great for the first two years and now you are even considering marriage. Then, all the sudden her mood changes. She is less intimate, avoids being touched and is constantly in the bathroom looking at her hair. She doesn’t talk to you about it because quite frankly, she is afraid that she is going bald and that you will leave her. In her panicked state, she becomes even more withdrawn and emotionally she is no longer there for you. She doesn’t look at you the same anymore. She doesn’t even turn you on any more. Is it her hair? Or is it her attitude? Your woman finally confesses that she has been dealing with hair loss for a number of years and she is frantic about taking that next step with you. Her fear has gotten the best of her…or has it? Does she in fact have something to worry about? Will you leave her if she loses anymore hair? She shows you the areas of thinning hair, and you smile at her and say “I don’t see what you’re talking about.” Now she’s crying because either she is crazy or you are just being nice. She wanted to tell you sooner, but didn’t want to lose you. Is that shallow of her or would she be right on the mark thinking that you don’t want her anymore? How would you men feel if you knew the love of your life was losing her hair? Would you feel helpless?

Once the cat is out of the bag so to speak concerning hair loss, it opens up yet another door…endless chatter about her hair loss. Her inner compulsion and obsessive behavior about how her hair looks is now out on the table and it seems that is all she wants to talk about. You look at her and don’t know what to say and she cries again. Now she is crying all the time! So you are turned off, and now you don’t want to even listen to her anymore. Is it her hair? Is it the way she looks? Or is it something else?

This goes on for days, and days turn to weeks and months and all the sudden you look back and two more years have passed. Are you brave enough to stick it out or are you having second thoughts about this woman? She doesn’t look like she used to, she certainly doesn’t look at you the way she used to and its hard to always be talking about the same damn thing day after day. She is constantly asking you to check out her bald spots. You can see they are getting much worse, but you tell her that you love her no matter what. She says she wants a wig, she wants a laser comb, she wants $15,000 worth of laser therapy, she wants a hair system that gets glued to her head that costs $5,000 and then $250.00 per month thereafter, she wants a hair transplant, she has read extensively online and is purchasing more and more products that promise to grow hair. Are you in it for the long haul? What would you do? Would you support her in her quest to look “normal” and if so what are your real feelings about all of it? Or maybe you would give her what she wants just to shut her up so that you can both go back to your lives the way it was before she opened her mouth and told you about her hair loss problem.

Nothing you do snaps her out of it. You compliment her and she rejects the compliment. She doesn’t believe you. Over time you stop giving those compliments. You want to take her out for her birthday, but she would rather stay at home in a dark room looking up hair loss cures. You are incredibly hurt at this point…but are you in it for the long haul? Would you leave her then? Why the fuck would you stay with a woman like that? She is driving you crazy. You still get horny from time to time and she won’t come near you and if you touch her she flinches or is really tense. Why do you stay? Are you a glutton for punishment? Or is there more?

More time has passed and now she looks hideous. You are afraid to tell her that she looks like a cancer patient. She tries so hard to make her hair look full, but at this point it is no use. She definitely needs either a wig or she needs to shave it all off. Which do you prefer? The wig? It doesn’t stay on all the time you know. How about the bald look? Now, you aren’t going to offend me if you don’t think the bald thing is for you. But how do you feel about it? Would you embrace your wife or lover bald? Look at her! She is dieing inside. All the beauty has left her eyes and she never smiles anymore. What do you do? Would you finally leave her? What if she wanted to finally be done with all the hair and she wanted you to shave it all off for her. Would you do it?

You both come to the decision to shave her head. You look at her sitting there in the chair crying as usual, but something feels so right about shaving it all off. You take out the buzzer and shave off the first piece. Damn that feels good huh? Its like you are taking away the one thing that has put a wall between you and your lover! All the sudden, she’s not crying anymore. Its strange, but you come around the front of her and she looks peaceful, serene…beautiful. The silence is deafening in the room and then you start the buzzer again. You shave the rest of her hair off and she is as calm as a Hindu cow. She feels her head, but you can’t wait to look into her eyes again and as you do, you see your woman for the first time in years. Her eyes are shining, she is smiling, peaceful, and best of all, she is looking at you the way she used to. You take the next step and pull out the shaving cream and razor. She is ready. You lather her up and take out the razor and begin shaving her head. Why does this feel so right? Why does it feel so good? Do you want to leave her now that she is completely bald? Or are you in it for the long haul?

You take a long look at her and realize that she is just as stunning as the first day you saw her. There are new feelings of love that are sparked…new passion ignited. Is it because she now has no hair or is it because you just shared something so intimate? In the moment of her greatest fragility, you treated her with tenderness and love…

How do you feel about her now?

That little story is typical in the life of a man who lives with a woman suffering with hair loss. Many women will be able to relate to the story, but how many men can relate too? Women are deathly afraid of losing their hair, but even more afraid of losing their man. Does the fear turn into reality? I believe it can, but not because she is losing her hair…its because of her attitude and self consumed obsessive behavior. I believe that men deserve more credit for the love they have to share. You men constantly amaze me with the amount of tenderness and compassion you have. I know about this because you see, that little story is similar to what my husband went through. Did he stay? Absolutely. Is he in it for the long haul? Most certainly.

Ok, here is another scenario…

You see an attractive woman with GORGEOUS hair…man oh man, she is the full package. She’s beautiful, funny, great body and she’s got you. She also has a secret. You know she is hiding something, but you don’t pay too much attention. Then one day she drops the bomb on you…she was wearing a wig for the six months you were dating. She decides to take that wig off and show you because she is all torn up inside about hiding it. You are stunned. Is it her hair? Or is it the fact that she didn’t tell you in the first place? She didn’t know if she could trust you, but now she is in love and wants to get it all out in the open. Her hair doesn’t just look bad, it is god awful! Chunks of hair missing and not just that, the beautiful blond wig once removed revealed the true color of her almost non-existent hair. Do you run for the hills? Is the wig important to you? She has taken the attitude “If you love me it shouldn’t matter what I look like, and if you can’t handle it, screw you.” You are scared. You have never seen such a thing before, except on old ladies in the supermarket that try to tease their hair up and dye it red to look “younger.” What do you do? Is she still the full package, or is she damaged goods?

Here’s two more for you, and then I’ll shut up:

You meet a woman and there is something “off” about her. You are so drawn to her eyes and smile that you don’t notice that she is in fact going bald. Its noticeable. Would you date her? There is something about her that has you intrigued, and standing there beside her is a woman that has a full, thick beautiful head of hair, and she is stunningly beautiful…but she isn’t intriguing. What do you do? Would you go with the one that was intriguing or the one that seemed “perfect?”

Would you approach and ask out a completely bald woman? You have never seen one in person before, and now you can’t take your eyes off of her. You are stunned that you find her so attractive. What do you do? Is it her lack of hair that attracts you or is there something in her eyes?

Bald Beauty of the Day

How Far is Too Far When it Comes to Hair Loss Products?

How far would you go to make your hair loss problems go away? We all dream of that perfect product or “new amazing potion” that will give us back our hair. But what happens when that dream turns into a nightmare? Where does a person turn to get the answers they need to make informed and intelligent decisions concerning the future of their hair loss?

There are “Hair Loss Preditors” out there that seek to devour vulnerable and scared hair loss sufferers. They promise them the world, and in the end the pain and disillusionment makes it even more difficult to move forward with their lives in productive and healthy ways.

So what kind of products am I talking about? Ah, did you have a product or procedure in mind? Do you have questions or concerns about the ingredients of things that could be harmful to your body? Are you confused by what your doctors have told you about your hair loss and he/she just looked at you saying “Take some Rogaine and call me in the morning!”

Where do you turn to get solid advice about the products or procedures you are thinking of trying?

A new forum has been launched by Spencer Kobren, the founder of The American Hair Loss Association and The Bald Truth. The forum titled Bald Truth Talk http://www.baldtruthtalk.com is aimed to create a safe online experience for men and women to get real information and support concerning hair loss, hair transplants, treatments, products that do not work and more. At Bald Truth Talk, you can talk with fellow hair loss sufferers and also doctors who can help sift through the products and procedures so that you can make an informed decision.

At the forum you won’t be bombarded by sales ads or preditory products.

The following quote is the mission statement of The American Hair Loss Association, and I believe it sums up all that the Bald Truth Talk Forum is about:

“The American Hair Loss Association is committed to educating and improving the lives of all those affected by hair loss. It is our goal to create public awareness of this devastating disease of the spirit, and to legitimize hair loss of all forms in the eyes of our medical community, the media and society as a whole.

We recognize that hair loss is not only a complex medical condition, but one that affects every aspect of the hair loss sufferer’s life. For this reason we are dedicated to providing resources and support to those who are actively researching effective treatments and to those who are committed to fighting this emotionally devastating disorder.”

So, before you buy that “new amazing comb,” the “perfect lightening in a bottle”, the new pill that promises that you will grow copious amounts of hair, or need a direction on where to find a good hair transplant surgeon, stop by Bald Truth Talk and become a member of the forum. You won’t regret it!

Do Men and Women Feel the Same Way About Hair Loss?

Do men and women struggle with the same issues emotionally when it comes to hair loss? I believe the they do. I asked my husband how he feels since he started to lose his hair, and this glazed over, pale look on his face said it all. Although I have been dealing with hair loss for the last five years, the thought that he could also now be dealing with his own loss has him stuck like a deer in the head lights.

My husband started to develop bald patches in his eyebrows, a quarter sized bald patch in his chest hair, and the hair on his head has started to shed quite a bit. My two younger children have experienced similar hair loss and we believe that they are also affected by the mold that we have in the house we are currently renting.

I wanted to understand what he was feeling about losing his hair, and it was so profoundly deep that he could barely bring himself to talk about it. He has accepted my hair loss and he has embraced loving me as an Alopecian woman, but will he be able to accept himself if his hair loss does not resolve itself? Will he begin to move away from me emotionally and bury his pain deep inside where I can not reach him? His hair is absolutely stunning and creates a softness to his face and features. It is natural for him to feel pain and anguish over losing it but my hope is that he will continue to stay open to me emotionally so that he can move forward with his life continuing to reach toward his goals, dreams and desires. Hair loss has a way of stopping these thing dead in their tracks for a time and the emotionally paralysing affects can bring us into a place of isolation, loneliness and despair.

I believe that men feel just as much torment over losing their hair as women do, it is after all a part of the human condition.

Shh!!! I’m Hiding!

For five years I have looked at having alopecia as something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I often felt that horrible feeling but never really explored what it meant to me personally. What was it exactly that I was so embarrassed of? Was it the loss of my hair? Maybe that was part of it, but that wasn’t all of it. Losing my hair was a big deal, but does that mean I was vain? At the time I thought so. I hid it away, where it sat and festered like an angry boil, hot and throbbing…I began to hate myself for thinking I was vain. Loathing the very idea, that, as someone who has never cared about the appearances of others’, I couldn’t stand to look at myself. How did that happen? Was God bringing me through some test to reveal hidden vanity? I searched my soul, and yet I couldn’t repent. Was I in denial? I have always loved who I am, but now, my world was rocked by this fear that I was in fact vain! Why couldn’t I repent? I searched some more, and realised that it wasn’t vanity…it was my hiding.
I have always believed in being who I was no matter what. I cared very little whether people accepted me based on my looks, personality, spirituality or mental ability. But I became duplicitous. I became a false witness unto myself, and decieved everyone around me.
I repented before God for my duplicitousness and the shame and embarrassment melted away.
So where do I go from here?
I have read through many comments and blogs, and some of the things that I have gleaned from this beautiful Alopecian family of mine, is that many wish they could “come out.” They have hoped for a way to let others know that they do not have cancer, and wished that they didn’t have to keep explaining to everyone that was curious. They longed for a way to be able to spot a fellow Alopecian in the crowd, just to send a smile or even be able to approach them. But how do we do that?
I believe there is a way. Isn’t it possible for us to tell others “I am an Alopecian?” Instead of always having to say “I have alopecia?”
As I was thinking of those two sayings, I realised that to say “I am an Alopecian” conveys a feeling of acceptance that “this is who I am physically.” And to say “I have alopecia”, well, it sounds like a it could be contagious. It leaves a feeling of fear with the person who may have never heard of it before. Words are powerful. They can hurt, but they can also heal.
Can we in some way legally make Alopecians yet another tribe of people? There are laws that are created for people with disabilities, sexual orientation, race, religion, and even animals. I know that all of us fit into many of these categories, but I think that the law should be revisited for Alopecians.
I believe that as Alopecians, we can be proud of the fact that we can blend into the world around us, and we can also stand out. It is our right. To tell others “I am an Alopecian”, is to inform them of two simple truths…first, that our hair falls out and sometimes grows back and second, that we change. It gives women and men the freedom to wear what feels most comfortable for them on their heads and it gives them the option to go aunatural if they want to. I think by saying to others “I am an Alopecian”, we are no longer trying to fit into their mold of perceived beauty, and we make it “normal” to blend or stand out whenever we feel like it.
This leads me to a question for all of you…
Would you be interested in adopting a symbol to represent the Alopecian? I would love to start an international campaign to not only to bring awareness to alopecia in its many forms, but also to be officially known as Alopecians. I would like to adopt the chameleon for the campaign, because we can blend or we can stand out! It could be a beautiful pin, a necklace or some sort of jewelry…a tee-shirt or symbol on a hat. Whatever you would like to wear, that can be identified by other Alopecians out there. How many suffer in silence? I think it can be a clever way for others to know…AND for us to find each other out there.
What do you think?
On a personal note, I feel really exposed right now. LOL I wanted to share my personal deep feelings, and I, in no way am saying that others that may have read my personal confession are just like me. My desire was to share where I came from, and where I want to go from here. But I can’t do it alone, nor do I want to.