How Long Will This Go On?
When women first start to notice that they are losing their hair, they feel an overwhelming rush of fear come over them. There are so many questions that unfortunately remain unanswered while in pursuit of finding the root cause of our hair loss. We can become overwhelmed, isolated, withdrawn and completely undone as we begin to watch our hair fall on the floor, on our clothing, caught in the shower drain and stuck in the hair brush. We dread taking a shower because of the massive amount of hair that seems to shed following a shower or a bath. What used to be a pleasurable and relaxing experience turns to anxiety and fear and the horrid anticipation of the next massive shed. Our lives can come undone as we begin to think we are petty and vain for caring about how our hair is missing. We hear comments from those around us (and even from ourselves at times) stating, “It’s only hair!” but it is so much more than that. If it wasn’t such a big deal to lose our hair, then why all the commercials and advertisements for hair care products? Hair is beautiful, and it is a part of who we are physically, so when it departs from us, it can leave us feeling unattractive, depressed, fearful of intimacy, and obsessed about finding out how to get it back. When I became a member of The Woman’s Hair Loss Project Network, one of the questions most frequently asked by others was “How long will this go on? How long will I continue to lose my hair and what can I do to get it back?” When new women join our community which I lovingly refer to as “The Great Sisterhood,” they are first struck by the amount of support and tenderness from our many members. Each woman has her own hair loss story, but in the end, regardless of how much or how little hair you have lost the emotional toll and feelings are always the same.
We are all growing and changing…each and everyday. I never knew that I could have good female friends and have them love and care about me. It moves us into a better place. Each woman on the Network is my teacher and for that I am so grateful. I cherish each one and love to watch them grow and step out of the shadows of their pain and aguish.
Hairloss may have brought us together, but what we learn along the way is that there has been a part of us that was empty….a longing unmet that is filled to over flowing because we reach out to others and we also reach in to ourselves. We cry tears of pain and aguish, but over time, those tears turn into joyful tears of appreciation and amazement…because we are seen, cherished, loved and respected right where we are. For the first time in our lives, we don’t have to put up a front or perform….we are just free to be who we are inside.
The Women’s Hair Loss Project Network becomes the catalyst to rediscovering who we are as we reflect on other women’s thoughts and emotions poured out all over their blogs and in their comments. We see so clearly that we have so much more than hair loss in common with them and it brings a sense of balance and peace to our hearts and lives. It moves us in a new direction that reaches out to those who are hurting because we have been there and it gives those in the throws of panic and despair hope for renewed strength.
Other members of the Network understand when new members say ”I’m not as strong as you, and I know I will never be that strong”, because we were there in that place once. New ladies that sign up feel hopeless and lost, and we whisper softly and tenderly to them helping to restore their lost dignity, self confidence and self worth. We are so much more than our hair and being among these ladies teaches us that on such a profound level.
When we become more confident and gather more self worth in our being, we sit in amazement and wonder what changed? How is it that we became so very different from the first day we joined? The answer is that we dug down deep into our souls and we mustered up new strength we never knew we had, and while we were digging we saw all the faces of those who were just like us. We realize we aren’t crazy, we aren’t neurotic, and we aren’t worthless…we realize our own humanity and we cry with tears of joy that we are understood.
It is truly a beautiful thing to behold, and yet we are not impervious to falling into the mire again. We find that even though we may wallow for a time in the mire because it is a strange and old familiar feeling, our time in that place becomes less and less. Our strength also gives us the ability to step into the mire of another woman and yet not be sullied by its effects. We sit with her there and listen to her story. Sometimes we sit in silence and other times we speak tenderly and compassionately to her, all the while, reflecting on our own journey when we felt the same exact way.
We are a sisterhood of hope and change…of life and love…and of courage and strength.
