A Shift in My Thought Life

The following entry is from our new blog site “The High Desert Chronicles.”

Our family has dreams of starting a homestead…that much is clear, but where? Where do we settle down? We found some land out in the Parajito Mesa and we just fell in love with it. There’s a catch though. The property is landlocked! When we called the realtor back to tell her we were interested, she told me this:

“You can purchase the land, but you can’t live on it legally.” Huh? “Why?” I asked. She stated that the Parajito Mesa is a part of a land scam from many years ago, and the developer never mapped out the plots of land correctly or put in the necessary roads. Basically all of the Parajito land is private, and in order for us to purchase a plot of land, we would need to create access. But from where? There are no legal easements and no legal street address. We would have to plow a road right through someone’s property to access ours. Obviously that isn’t a great idea, nor is it good for having a decent relationship with our neighbors.

The Parajito Mesa is home to about 400 families. As I did some research on it, what I found was heartbreaking. It made me actually want to move there despite the fact that it is illegal. Would we put our family at risk by doing that? Nope. So I had to think of a different way. If we were to live out there, we wouldn’t be able to get mail, be able give a legal change of address, update information on drivers license or other important documents and my grand daughter wouldn’t be able to get her much needed Medicaid. So why do I want to be out there so bad? For me, it has to do with three things I see…the disenfranchised, social justice and environmental justice. These three things are huge, and as time goes by, dreams can become diminished and finally replaced with despair. Does it have to be that way though? It seems as though they are forgotten and left out there to just exist or die. I’m unsure why the burden in my heart is so heavy for these families, but it is there none the less. I guess my thought is that the people on Parajito Mesa have an opportunity to make their own homesteads if they wanted. I believe that any family that is willing to make their lives better should have access to the tools and knowledge that would make that life an actual reality.

What can we do? How can we help? I believe that if we were to purchase a house with some land near the Parajito Mesa, we could begin to open up our home to those who would seek something more for their families. As we build our homestead in that region, others who are interested could come along side of us, learning the principles of water harvesting, earthworks and permaculture and bring that back to their own land and begin incorporating those techniques and principles. I don’t have any visions of grandeur, just a simple desire to help those who want help.

Most of the families out there are on ten acres of land each. How much food can grow on ten acres? I say that rhetorically, because even an 1/8 of an acre can be intensely gardened to produce thousands of pounds of food per year. They each have way more than an 1/8 of an acre which makes it possible to grow many different kinds of fruit trees, acres to grow grains, agave, and so many other types of fruits and veggies. Is the lack of water the problem? If they are conventional farmers, yes. But I believe if they begin to understand how earthworks and water harvesting principles work, they will be able to actually cultivate their land, build their soil and create something absolutely stunning. They are worth it, don’t you think?

If there are any permaculturalists in the area looking for a worthy cause to donate your time and talent, you can contact me by filling out the form on my Contact page. I would love to hear from you.

Here is a video I found on youtube about the Parajito Mesa:

The Sensitive Souls Network

Before I talk about The Sensitive Souls Network, I have to update you all on my “writer’s block” because maybe I wasn’t so honest about my problem. I believe that I hit that middle aged “wall” (crisis of sorts) and I’ve become quite introverted and introspective. I guess that comes with the territory of getting older. I know I’m being cryptic at this point especially since there are MANY things that I would just love to spill my guts over, but it would be in incredibly bad form to do so.

We’ve been here in New Mexico for one year now, and I must say I truly love The Land of Enchantment. I took a trip this past weekend back to New Jersey and I couldn’t wait to get my ass out of there and on a plane back home. There were only four things great about that trip and it had NOTHING to do with being in The Garden State! I got to visit with my daughter, spend some travel time with my son (who came with me to NJ), I got to meet up with a good friend of mine and spent some time with my dad. That’s it! Beyond those things, there was absolutely nothing redeeming about being there. My patience and tolerance (this past weekend) of extremely self serving people is wearing extremely thin (of course I’m being cryptic again!) and I find I now blame myself for creating any assumptions of decency in these types of people…there really is no decency at this point. I really kick myself in the ass for wanting to believe that certain people I’m in contact with are generally good in nature, when in fact I merely allowed the illusion of them being “good” to cloud the truth of the matter…they are self serving, ego-vested, mean people to the core of their being, and no matter how much they want to cover that up with “appearances” they will always have to live with who they are! The experience of my shattered assumptions was enough to make me sick to my stomach. Not because they made me sick in the least, but because I allowed such “good assumptions” to exist in the first place. What does that make me? A sucker? Yup, I’m a sucker! I duped myself into believing things that were only half truths and partial realities. BLAAAA! Introspection is a bitch. But I’ve learned some very valuable lessons about myself and I feel I’ve grown quite a bit as a result of it. That was just a little update on my own emotional state of affairs. Now I’d like to switch gears and tell you all about something I’m pretty excited about:

I’ve been busy building a new social network that I just launched. It is a Network for families with disabilities. I announced the launch on my other blog site Loving Simone, but I’ll also copy it here.

In March 09′ I created “Loving Simone” as a way to reach out to others who may be struggling with the same types of health and neurological issues Simmi is faced with. I also joined several different message boards, groups, listserv’s, as well as social networks trying to get a handle on what was happening to Simone. What I found were some of the most generous and beautiful families struggling to give their disabled children a better life. What I also discovered was that all of us are so scattered across the internet in little micro groups and categories without any place to connect us all.

There are parents out there that may have children suffering with a single food allergy and others on the other end of the spectrum holding on for dear life as their child struggles to live just one more day. No matter how mild or severe the problems are, we need to gather strength from one another and blaze forward in search of the answers that we seek. I believe that The Sensitive Souls Network can be a tool in connecting us with one another easily. I created this Network to be a stepping stone to providing a better quality of life not only for my own grand daughter, but also for all children suffering with a disability.

Reaching out to parents who may have a child with problems but is undiagnosed is another important goal that is very close to my heart. Parents often feel very alone as they take their child from one doctor to the next trying to figure out what is wrong with him or her. It’s frustrating to say the least, and when a child doesn’t fit into any one diagnosis OR has multiple unrelated health problems, parents can feel “left for dead.” I want this Network to be a place of comfort as well as a way to receive much needed resources, wisdom from experienced parents, and a place to grieve if necessary.

I was going to wait till the new year to launch The Sensitive Souls Network, but as I thought about it, I realized that this Network will always be a work in progress with new things to be added daily. The site is kind of empty right now and I still have a lot of resources and information to add, but I would like to open it up and invite you all to become members. Its free to join.

Here are some of the features I put in place, and there are more to come in the future:

• Personal profile page- You can set up your profile to let others know who you and your child are
• Blog- Blog as little or as much as you’d like. The thing I love about this feature is that it can help chronicle your life and keep everyone updated about how your child is doing (or you). I’m a part of a few different message boards, and when others inquire about Simmi, it can become frustrating to try and retell a story over and over. With your own blog on the Network, you’ll be able to write it once and then refer others to your blog about what’s happening so you won’t have to retell a story multiple times.
• Groups- You’ll be able to create your own groups and/or join an existing group.
• Forum- I’ll be adding the Forum in the next few weeks
• Video chat- You can start a private video chat with other members or simply instant message them
• Add photos and videos

Here are some things still to come and in the works:

• Resources
• Main chat room
• Facebook application- you’ll be able to keep your peeps on Facebook up to date with your latest blogs as well as signing in to the Network through Facebook
• Lots more!

As I said earlier, the Network is a work in progress. I value feedback and suggestions! If you have a link, resources or information that you feel would help add to the site, leave a comment on my profile page or send me a private message there.

http://www.sensitivesoulsnetwork.com

Thanks for reading!

My World Came Crashing Down Around Me Last Night

Last night I thought my world was coming to an end! I was working on a new website for someone and I made a HUGE error when transferring all the files. I actually sent the latest version of Wordpress to THE ALOPECIAN MUSE by accident. I still have an older version, so the new version wiped everything out. I couldn’t believe I did that. I was mortified. When was the last time I backed up my site? UH…when my very good friend (who, by the way saved my ass last night!) showed me how to back it up.

In a panic and while not thinking clearly I called her crying. I thought I had completely erased four months of work. Poof, it was gone. Well, being the Master Jedi that she is, she was able to poke around and she found the data base. I didn’t wipe it all out.

I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I tried to do anything to get my mind off the fact that I totally fucked it all up, but it just gnawed at my brain like a rabid, blood thirsty rodent. My stomach was in knots and I felt like I was going to throw up. I got back online last night and there was my friend making everything better. I had all kinds of shit running through my head last night. I wanted to just give it all up and say screw it, I’m no good at this stuff! (That wouldn’t be far from the truth either).

I feel the picture on the left best describes my state of mind last night. I felt shocked, naked, exposed and totally alone. That is until I talked to my Master Jedi! She definitely calmed me down and brought a lot of encouragement to me. I am so glad to have her in my life.

Today I felt that all was right in my world again, and to sweeten it just a little more, my husband called this afternoon to tell me that we hit our first goal amount of money to get him home! I want to thank everyone who gifted us with your generous donations. We are still around $1,000.00 short, but as of today we are half-way there. Tomorrow he will be putting his notice in and he will be here in New Mexico with us in four to five weeks…for good!

Bald Beauty of the Day

American Airlines Sucks the Big One

March 18th was a nerve racking for me. I was putting my two children on a plane alone for the first time to go and see their dad for spring break. When I first inquired about them traveling with American Airlines, I was helped by a very nice woman who assured me that the kids at no time would be left alone from the time I left them until they arrived and were released to their father’s care. I asked the woman on the phone to hold the amount quoted to me until the next day. Well, the next day rolls around and now I’m on the phone with someone else and ready to purchase the tickets. I give my confirmation number to him and he tells me that it will be more than what was quoted. An argument ensues and now I’m pissed off that they are not honoring the price that was quoted less than 24 hours earlier. It seems that the woman who reserved the flight for us the day before forgot to add $100 for the trip returning to Albuquerque. I begin to explain to the man that the woman who reserved the flight for us and quoted us the price should honor the amount. He counters my statement with “You are just trying to get away with not paying the unaccompanied minor fee for the trip home. You should have known by the simple math that something wasn’t right.” He continues to berate me, explaining that “usually one parent pays for the fee upon departure and the other parent pays for the fee on the way back.” My mouth was dropped open at that point. I NEVER explained my situation or that they were going to meet their father. That never even came up. He just assumed it. My kids could have been flying to see their grandparents or other family members, yet he chose to treat me like I was some desperate single mother trying to trick American Airlines into paying for one of the fees. What was I going to do? I needed to book the flight so I bent over and let American Airlines give it to me!

But it doesn’t end there. The day came to take them to the airport and unfortunately for some reason I thought the flight was at 7:30am. We were pretty much ready to go and I just needed to get the itinerary and flight information and we would be off, when I discovered that we might actually be late for the flight. We quickly got everything loaded in the car and headed to the airport. We parked and rushed to the check-in. We still had about ten minutes to the cut off time (you must be checked in 30 minutes before departure). I was so happy we made it. We got to the counter and I said to the woman “We made it!” and she asked which flight. I told her and she said “No problem, you have time.” At that point she excused herself for a moment, came back and said “This man will help you as soon as he is done.” I looked at her perplexed but I still felt confident everything would be ok. The man to the right of her was chattering away with a couple he knew and they were talking about cookies. I stood there wondering why he wasn’t doing his job. Then finally he begins to check the kids in when he says, “Oh, I’m sorry but you will have to take the next flight out because you missed the cut off time.” I told him I was here ten minutes before the cut off and he said that when we got to him it was past the cut off time. Gee, I wonder why? He was so busy talking about those cookies that he didn’t even notice that we were standing there. But what the fuck was up with the original woman who told me that I still had time? What was she doing the whole time??? She was checking in other people!

I continue to argue with the man and he says that he had a flight leaving at 1:30pm and that wouldn’t arrive in Philly until 9:30pm. I told him that this was unacceptable and he proceeded to tell me that it would be ANOTHER $150.00 for catching that flight! I felt like I was being scammed! I told him AGAIN that I was here before the cut off and that his co-worker referred us to him and that we have been waiting all this time. He asked her and she told him that was actually what happened because she didn’t know how to do an Unaccompanied Minor check-in. So he didn’t charge us the $150.00 but said that we STILL would have to take the 1:30pm flight because the next flight out was booked up. I told him absolutely not, and to get them on the flight that was leaving in exactly 20 minutes from now. He did it and off we ran to the security check point. I was allowed to bring my kids all the way to the gate and see them off, and the attendant gave me a pass to go. Because Simmi was also with us and because of her age she did not need a pass…but this particular security officer did not know that. She held us up for over 10 minutes calling her supervisor. I told her that a pass for the baby was not necessary and she didn’t believe me. Her supervisor came and he told her the same damn thing! So now we had to fight our way through the crowd and go through to their gate. We ran all the way and as we got to gate the plane was pulling away. We missed the flight anyway. I explained to the woman at the desk the whole story and she looked at the tickets and says “Oh, these tickets are for the flight at 1:30pm.” HUH? The man never switched them back and booked us for that 1:30pm flight after all! I started getting even more aggravated and she got the kids on the very next flight leaving at 8:00am. This is the same exact flight that the other man said was sold out.

I watched as my kids boarded the plane and I waited till it left the runway to leave. They were so excited and thrilled to be traveling alone. When they got to Philly safely I felt like I could finally rest. From now on, I will be calling all other airlines to schedule flights for my children. I NEVER want to put them on one of American Airlines planes again. I feel they didn’t honor the amount quoted, then proceeded to insult and accuse me, and finally tried to milk another $150.00 out of me due to their incompetence. They have lost my respect and my patronage.

Bald Beauty of the Day

Two Months in the Land of Enchantment

We have been living in the “Land of Enchantment” for two months now, and I’m ready to venture out into the wilderness. Living in Rio Rancho has allowed me to acclimate to the landscape and it has also afforded me the opportunity to get lost in the wilderness last Saturday.

I have always stayed on major roads, but for some reason I was a little adventurous, and throwing caution to the wind, I thought I would be able to make it back home fairly quickly. I dropped Shoshie off at the library to finish up a project that she had to do for school, and because it was just a ten minute drive, I didn’t bother to pack a diaper bag or supplies. What was supposed to be just a twenty minute drive all together, turned into an hour and ten minute odyssey adventure into the one place I feared to tread. I traveled down a major road and instead of making a left as usual to get home, I reasoned to myself that since the road ran parallel to the one I usually take, I could just drive a bit further and make a left, finding a quicker way to reach my house and bypassing all the traffic of town. Simmi is in her seat, happy as a clam with her pink sunglasses on, jabbering away to music playing on the radio and I am wondering why as I drive, all the sudden the paved road turns to DIRT! We are now traveling on a bumpy dirt road and Simmi’s squeals and laughter from the back seat are making me crack up laughing. The dirt road is graded roughly so every bump can be felt and Simmi thinks she is on some sort of magic ride. She just continues to laugh and laugh, and I join in until I realize that there is no homes, no street signs and no one around for miles! My laughter turns to the sober reality that this isn’t a magic ride and it has the potential to be the ride from hell! Remember I had no diaper bag, no supplies, formula or bottle with me. At that moment I check my cell phone…SHIT! No signal either. Part of me was in a little bit of a panic hoping that the rough terrain I was now on wouldn’t cause a flat tire and strand me out in the middle of the desert. The directional I have in my truck said I was going west and at some point I would need to make a left and travel south for a while. But what road do I take? There were lots of other dirt roads out there but those roads looked so small and treacherous. I decided to just stay on the major dirt road I was on and it felt like I was traveling forever. Then the novelty of the bumpies wore off and that precious little thing in the back seat started to whine. Now I’m even more freaked out, hoping she isn’t going to have a full blown scream fest since it was her nap time and no bottle was available for her. Finally I see a large dirt road and I decide to make a left and travel down that one for what seemed like an eternity. Looking around at the landscape and the location of the Sandia Mountains, I knew that I couldn’t be too far from my intended destination. Sure enough I make another left and now I am sure that I will be ok. Simmi takes a whack at singing and notices that her voice reverberates as she sings. Amused by her new found ability to manipulate the tones of her shaking voice, she giggles and with eyes rolling, she is lulling herself to sleep. Then all the sudden I see the road and realize that we are gonna make it! Five minutes after hitting the paved road we came upon our street…AH! I was so relieved that we made it out of there without breaking down or having a melt down.

The adventure really forced me out of my comfort zone and into a place that is truly Enchanted. Although I was worried about breaking down and also about Simmi having a melt down, I was able to glimpse the beauty of soft hills, evergreens and the wide open sky. It was eerie being out in the middle of nowhere knowing that there was a possibility that we could get stranded. It made my adrenaline rush and my heart race. I kind of liked it! I saw some wildlife out there as well; a road runner and a coyote…GO FIGURE!

Over all, things are going well. The children are adjusting to school and have made friends and Simmi is just her cute adorable self. I am healthy but somewhat depressed without Dom here. We had hoped to have a nice little chunk of money from our tax returns to finish up what needs to be repaired in the house, but we will just break even. My plans for finishing the painting, the floors and other things that need to be redone will now have to wait. That is depressing too! I want to finish the kids rooms and restore to them the things I promised, and now it is going to take that much longer. They are truly fantastic children and even though they don’t like that they have very little in their rooms (not even curtains yet!) they are being very patient. I am such a visual person, and I find that I get depressed having to live in a place that can not even be finished the way that will make this house a home. I know that in time we will accomplish our tasks and fill this home with art, furniture and the things that the kids have lost, but reality sucks sometimes. Other than that, I really can’t complain. We have a roof over our heads, a semi-hypoallergenic home, beds to sleep in, some clothes on our backs and my husband still has his job. I would say with the state of the economy and the hard times that this country is facing, we are doing better than most…and for that I am very grateful!

Bald Beauty of the day:

At Home in the High Desert

We have been in New Mexico for a little more than a month now, and our family is adjusting very well. We found a permanent home in a town called Rio Rancho, and well…I must say that I am pleasantly surprised that I am enjoying the flat desert. I guess when viewing the landscape from far away, everything looks flat until you begin to drive through the terrain. There are many hills and lots of vegetation here. There is beauty here just as there is beauty in seeing the mountains.

I have not had access to the internet for a while now, and I was starting to go nuts! This past Friday the cable guy came and hooked us up. We are now in a small four bedroom house that is in need of a lot of tender loving care. We made the decision to rent this house because the landlord was willing to allow us to do the work necessary to make it safe for Simmi. She is highly sensitive to latex rubber and is allergic to dust mites, so carpet poses a big problem for her skin. The first order of business was to rip all the carpet up, then to clean up the place and paint. It has been a slow process but we are getting a lot done. My kids have been a such a big help and I don’t know if I could have done as much as I have done to this point with out them. They have watched over Simmi as I ran around like a chicken without a head trying to get things done.

It hasn’t been easy for them. They have lost everything they held dear and moved very far away from their dad and friends. When we first got to NM they had a week left of school before the holiday break, but because their school didn’t send their transcripts, we couldn’t register them. It worked out well though, because if we would have been able register them in the school near the temporary house, we would have had to pull them out of there and transfer them to the Rio Rancho school district. We found our new home the end of December but with the landlord going to see relatives in another state, we couldn’t sign the lease for another week. THEN when we signed the lease we had electricity but no water or gas. It’s very hard to work in a house that has no heat or water. We moved in on January 14th with no furniture. I was partially holding my breath half the time wondering if we were going to have to sleep on the concrete. But, as it turns out, I found another very endearing quality about NM…the people here are very generous. People donated beds, a living room set and a table and chairs! All of it in very good condition. Our first night in the house we slept on beds and NOT on concrete. Noah started school this past Thursday and Shoshie started school on Friday. It was an easy adjustment for Noah, but Shoshie found the size of her school a little overwhelming. Simmi is doing wonderful and I am happy to say that she is now eczema free. The lack of carpets cleared up the last of her rashy skin. Unfortunately, because the house is still not finished, the only room that is safe for her to be in right now is the kitchen. I call it “the safe zone.” She definitely doesn’t like being confined to the small kitchen, but it is the only way to keep her clean until the rest of the house is done. Tomorrow I will be finishing the painting and then she will be free to roam our little abode freely.

I am getting stronger every day, and it is so wonderful to feel normal again. In one months time all the pain that had been constant for the last year has left me. I wouldn’t be able to do all that I am doing right now if I was still racked with pain. I am bursting with energy and greet each new day like a child on Christmas morn. In the next few weeks I’ll post pictures of our new home with before and after photos.

Thanks for reading!

New Mexico is My Lover in Disguise!

We arrived in New Mexico on December 12th and I had this overwhelming feeling that I was going to hate living here. I have seen the pictures, done the research, checked out the different cultures online and spoken to many people who have seen and experienced New Mexico first hand. There wasn’t a single person I spoke to who said “I hate New Mexico, and I wouldn’t go back there if you paid me all the money in the world!” I couldn’t understand what was so captivating to these people while listening to their words and stories…I pondered the word pictures they painted for me and tried to imagine the beauty they were explaining.

After leaving the Albuquerque Airport, I didn’t want to look around too much for fear of being even more disappointed than I had already set myself up to be and looking at the reaction from my children, my heart began to sink. We took a shuttle bus to pick up our rental car, and my eyes began to wander a little, taking little glances here and there at the landscape. I thought to myself, “Yup! That’s what I thought…dirt, flat plains, no life.” My heart was breaking in those moments and I did all I could to keep myself from crying. But something happened as we traveled north towards the city! We made a left turn and there staring us in the face was this huge imposing mountain! I saw pictures of the Sandia Mountains but nothing could have prepared me for seeing them in all their glory. I was speechless, awestruck and totally captivated by what I was witnessing. My son gasped with his jaw dropped wide, picked up his cell phone to call his friend in Maryland to tell him all about this enormous mountain. I still lack the proper words to describe this magnificent mountain.

I still wasn’t convinced this was a place I would fall in love with, but seeing the mountains gave me a glimmer of hope that I could enjoy my new state. I wasn’t ready to venture out and see the land yet, so we stuck with the major roads and checked out all the different neighborhoods. There was comfort in traveling the streets because the buildings and houses blocked my view of seeing flat desert land. As we drove north west towards our new home, we noticed that if we looked to our left on Route 40 all we saw was the desert BUT if we looked to the right we saw the mountains…of course I only looked to the right!

Today I decided that it was time to take the bull by the horns and just get out there and drive north to Santa Fe. Most of the early morning I was procrastinating and finding excuses of why we couldn’t take our first trip up to Santa Fe, but the kids were getting antsy so we jumped in the car and made our way north. My daughter Shoshie who is 13 years old kept making this same comment from the time we left the airport through today…she said “Mom, why is it so peaceful here? Do you feel it?” When she first made that statement, I did feel it amidst my inner turmoil, but she kept saying it everyday and as we left Albuquerque heading north, I let go of my fear and felt that peace, embracing it fully.

I’m sure that going south is a completely different experience, but what I noticed as we left Albuquerque traveling north, were all the hills and valleys. It wasn’t lifeless or barren, it was beautiful rich terrain with what looked like perfectly placed evergreen bushes that peppered the hills. Everywhere we looked we saw these lovely hills that dipped down and converged with other hills. It was simply surreal. I loved the way the light hit the hills, casting shadows and creating depth and movement. I loved the hues of browns and reds and how the light created purples and blues off in the distance. At times I could barely catch my breath and I was speechless…beside myself with wonderment.

I find myself becoming captivated and I am beginning to understand what so many tried to explain to me. Pictures can never do New Mexico justice…it is a place that must be experienced to be appreciated.

I never knew that the desert could produce such beauty. Delicate flowers growing wild and entertaining my senses.

New Mexico is also NOT all desert! The more north you go, the more trees there are. I think I’m falling in love!

So now that I have experienced one week in my new land, I have to say that my heart has softened. I do see beauty and life here. Have you ever met a person that at first “wasn’t your type” but as you got to know them you opened your heart and let them in to your world? It’s the person that you never expected to be the man/woman of your dreams and yet for some reason you are drawn to them? As you get to know the person and they open up and show you their world, they begin to ignite passion and feelings that you never felt before…well that is how I feel about this place! New Mexico is not what I expected, and although it is definitely not my type of land to live in, I feel a sense of peace and passion. It’s strange but true. I am discovering that New Mexico is erotic as well. I never thought a land could be sexy, but here I am strangely aroused. I think New Mexico is my Lover in disguise.

Tempting Fate

I’m tempting fate once again in my life as I begin to count down the days to when we move to New Mexico and I begin the long journey back to the raw food lifestyle. One of the most interesting things that I learned recently about NM is that only one hour away is The Ann Wigmore Foundation. I didn’t know that it actually existed until I started doing research into the raw food community out there. Eight years ago I spent a month in Puerto Rico studying and being trained in the living foods lifestyle at The Ann Wigmore Institute, but I don’t recall them ever mentioning the Ann Wigmore Foundation in New Mexico…but I was so messed up back then that they could have mentioned it and it just flew right over my head!

I have been dreaming of being raw again, and I can feel it coming ever stronger, pulling me back, tempting and teasing me to just have that one piece of fruit or salad. I don’t dare eat anything raw at this point when I am at home. Let me put it to you this way; if we left a coffee cup out over night that had some coffee, cream and sugar in it, by morning there would be a layer of mold on top! That is how contaminated our home is, so eating raw foods of any kind in this house is something I won’t do.

These are some of my feelings on the raw and living food lifestyle for anyone that has already started their journey or is thinking of transitioning:

In the raw world you will get many opinions, claims and “facts.” But the raw and living food diet is not a “one size fits all” diet. Before jumping in to it you must know your own body, what you need personally as far as nutrients are concerned, and how best to utilize this diet to get the optimal results…longevity, clarity and physical and emotional balance.

Some will say “only eat organic”, but how demineralized is the soil that the fruits and vegetables are grown in? This is a very important question when considering the raw food lifestyle. Are you going to be aware of where your food is grown? Will you be in touch with the local farmer to find out if his soil is mineralized? If the soil is depleted, those rawfoods do not carry all the minerals our bodies need to be vibrant and healthy.  Where does our food come from? These are the questions to ask ourselves when embarking on the raw food journey. If you’re not willing to do the homework, discover what is best for your body, and just shove nuts down your throat because they are the fastest way to end hunger or out of some sort of “fear” that you aren’t getting enough protein, then you are better off taking a very slow transition into raw foods until you get your priorities in order.
I haven’t met many successful rawfoodist, NOT because the raw food lifestyle doesn’t work, but because these people weren’t thinking for themselves about how their body worked or what their body needed. They held tight to ideology and dogma and refused to listen to the wisdom of their own bodies screaming out.
I have seen them hoovering over lovingly prepared meals at raw food potlucks and get togethers, gobbling everything up in site without properly chewing the food or taking moderate portions. They gravitated towards heavy nut sauces, nut cheeses, oily treats and gourmet raw foods. Salads were often left untouched as well as fresh fruit displays unless there was some sort of heavy dipping sauce to compliment it. Although their diet had changed, their core eating habits had not.

We can grapple over what to eat and what not to eat, but there is so much more to being raw than just food. It is a way of life, a way of being. We can rush into it unconsciously and make the same mistakes we did when we ate a regular conventional diet and end up even more unhealthy then when we first started.

Educate yourselves first on all things raw, and understand the commitment that is involved. Be honest about what you are walking away from and what you are now embracing and be incredibly gentle with yourself, taking your time to transition slowly.
If you are suffering from a bad detox because you went “balls to the wall” full force into the raw food diet, cut back on the amount of fruits your are taking in and switch to green drinks and more dark green leafy foods. Raw nuts can help to slow down the effects of a detox, but make sure you know where your nuts are coming from. Nuts will be more readily digestible if they are soaked and sprouted first, and then blended and strained. And everything should be done ultimately in moderation.

For myself, I walked away from the raw food lifestyle a few years ago when I thought it was causing the health problems I currently have. I have been doing research and planning the time when I can safely return back to the raw food lifestyle. It takes time to plan and to also “undo” many of the habits that I have allowed to take over in my life. I look forward to a time very soon when I can transition according to my own body’s needs with commitment not only to the lifestyle but to myself as well, because the results that I have had being raw can not compare with any other time in my life.

My Long Journey Back to the Raw Lifestyle

For a few years I was “Ravishingly Raw” bringing myself back from the brink of ruin physically. I was one of those unlucky people that was struck with Lupus. My sister and I both got struck with it in the same month of the same year only hers was severe and mine was mild in comparison. I was also unlucky enough for the ANA blood test to show a very low presence of anything auto-immune, but it had the Rheumatologist baffled. I had tremors, then lost some of my ability to walk and I was so embarrassed by the fact that as a result I was also incontinent. I was tested for everything under the sun neurological, but in the end I was given a diagnoses of fibromyalgia and Lupus. The doctor explained to me that in some people, Lupus can actually not show up on a blood test, but because I also had a family history of it, that he gave me a diagnosis of both. It was quite strange having both, and he explained both of them to me, and differences between the two different disorders. I was given an extremely high dose of prednisone, and I was told that the prednisone was for the Lupus and it would not help with the fibromyalgia. So double the pain, until the day when my legs started getting numb and feeling really heavy. Then I didn’t feel any pain at all in them. I also had a hard time moving them…the pain was gone, but so was all feeling from the waist down.

After a year of dealing with the medications and the fact that there was no cure for either disorder, I decided to slowly transition to a raw food diet. I started by taking out things that I really didn’t care for anyway, and then started removing other kinds of cooked and processed foods from my diet.

During the transition to the raw diet, I didn’t notice any thing changing in my body or feel any better. But! when I finally took the leap to a raw food diet, within six weeks I lost sixty pounds and felt better than I ever felt in long time. I maintained it for another few years until I started getting tremors again. Being raw, I sent the Lupus into remission for a few years. At the time I didn’t know there were other “triggers” for bringing Lupus out of remission. When my hair started falling out, I thought it was due to my diet and I felt defeated thinking that maybe the raw foods had nothing to do with me getting better and that my diet was making me malnourished. But that wasn’t the case! I wouldn’t find out for another year and a half that I had become very allergic to mold. (That is a good story for another time.) It was at that time that the doctor told me that it was actually the mold allergy that is a trigger for my Lupus. He wanted to pump me full of steroids again and I let him, much to my horror, that course of prednisone brought on drug induced Cushings Disease. Fun huh?

So now that I am moving to New Mexico I am planning on transitioning back to a raw lifestyle. What that will look like is any one’s guess! It is supposed to be very dry in NM (not the place I dreamed of being, by the way!) and if there is no more humidity and mold spores to occupy my airspace, I may be able to take a bash at being raw again.

This blog entry was an introductory of sorts to bring everyone up to speed on what my journey has been to this point, and the rest of my postings will be my journey forward…my struggles and my victories. I will also be posting recipes and my “take” on the raw food lifestyle.

Santa Fe or Albuquerque?

Our family is relocating to New Mexico and we are having a hard time deciding where to move to. I see so many benefits to living in Albuquerque and yet I am drawn to Santa Fe.

We have heard mixed reviews about both places and the fact that we have children only makes it that much more difficult to make a decision. I have heard that ABQ has great schools and a great health care system and that Santa Fe does not. I would love opinions from those who live in both of these cities to let me know what you think of the school systems and health care system.

I have heard St. Vincent’s Hospital referred to as “St. Victim’s” and that doesn’t evoke much confidence in my mind. But I also don’t want to go on a few small opinions. Those people may have just had a bad experience. I have had bad experiences in very good hospitals before, so I need more opinions I guess. It was also said that in Santa Fe, the school system isn’t so hot either….what does that mean?

I really like the thought of living in Santa Fe because I have heard about all the art and the beautiful mixing of cultures…this appeals to me but it has been reported also that it costs more to live there. I have heard mixed reviews about ABQ too, and I am really not sure what to do. In searching for a place in ABQ, I found that it has been just as expensive there as it is in Santa Fe. It’s not like we can just stay somewhere and explore NM…my kids need to go to school, and I want to make the choice of where we are going to live so we can register them and not have to move again. In ABQ, the Public Academy of Performing Arts is there, and my children really want to attend that school. It is for students 6th-12th grade. It is already going to be a big adjustment moving to a new state that we know little to nothing about, and I want to be as informed as I can to make this transition as smooth as possible.