Twenty-Five Random Things About Me

I was over at one of my favorite blogs The Melindaville Blog and I just got a kick out of her “Twenty-Five Random Things About Melindaville” that I wanted to do one too! I could relate to so many things she had on her list…so here’s mine:

1. When I was only 2 1/2 years old I ran away from home. I remember it very clearly. I was wearing a diaper, had shoes on already, and I was wearing a turtle neck shirt. That’s all. Anyway, I wanted to find my dad who I loved but no longer lived with me. (My parents divorced when I was about two years old). SO, do you remember way back in the day those zipper up round hat boxes with the single handle? Well, I unzipped it, stuck my teddy bear in there, a couple of diapers and other things I loved, and walked out the door, wearing only a diaper, shirt and shoes. I walked and walked and actually got onto the freeway (in Long Beach California!) and just kept walking. I was picked up by a woman and taken to the police station. I could have been kidnapped! I’m so glad she turned me in.
2. My mother was and still is till this day a heroin addict and prostitute.
3. I very rarely went to school before the age of 9, and then my dad won custody of my sister and I.
4. I am dyslexic
5. When I was 11 I refused to hold my dad’s hand or hug him in public because I feared others would think he was my boyfriend.
6. I once had a dream that I was in heaven talking with God, walking in a gorgeous garden, and all the sudden I saw myself sleeping as I hovered above and realized I wasn’t in my body. I was 13 at the time.
7. When I was six I stole money from my mother to get my ears pierced. I can’t believe they did it without a parent’s permission.
8. I read out loud semi-confidently when I was 25 years old.
9. I absolutely adore a plump, ripe, fresh fig.
10. I have a phone phobia (except with my kids and husband), and I always make the kids answer any calls.
11. I’m a documentary and movie whore….I will do anything for a good flick!
12. I’m a horrible speller.
13. I used to attempt to go to school from K-3rd grade, but would always get sent home either for having no shoes on, or lice in my hair. I exacted my revenge for not letting me participate by heading into the girls bathroom and making wet paper towel bubbles, filling them with soap and smacking them onto the ceiling of the bathroom.
14. When I was five, I stole a whole collection of barbies from a neighbor, because I was pissed off that her mother actually bought them for her AND played with her.
15. My mom taught me the fine art of switching price tags in a store, and I was well on my way to becoming a refined grifter if my dad never rescued me.
16. I always wanted to be a doctor and research scientist so I could come up with a way to hydrate and give proper nourishment to those who are suffering with malnutrition in other countries. Bloated bellies and shoving porridge down a persons throat doesn’t provide what they truly need to thrive.
17. Horses love me. I don’t know why, but they just usually come to me and start licking me and smelling me. Unfortunately I’m allergic to horses, but I just can’t stay away!
18. I get really distracted by people who blink too much.
19. I hate the sound of mixing tuna and mayonnaise
20. I love NPR news but I can’t stand Carl Kasell’s spit sounds when he talks.
21. Crickets find me fascinating. I don’t know why, but when I feel like I’m being watched, all I have to do is look down and there is a cricket looking up at me. They aren’t even afraid when I come near them. Mice do the same thing…I never understood the attraction.
22. I have a love affair with the rain. I love everything about a rainy day…the smell, the wind, the gray skies. There is something so special about how it falls and nourishes everything around us. It figures that I would move to the one place that has 300 days of no rain.
23. I am always fascinated by the uniqueness of people.
24. I don’t like to eat food off of a plate that isn’t white.
25. After my dad won custody of my sister and I, and we lived with him, it took a while to wipe the criminal out of my blood; while in plain clothing one day at the age of 10, I got a coffee can and solicited all the neighbors on the block for money for girl scouts. I have never been a girl scout. I thought it was a good idea at the time, and I collected quite a bit of money. My dad found out and literally kicked my butt all the way home after making me go to each house and return the money and apologize. That set me on the straight and narrow from then to this day.

Well, that’s my list. I just couldn’t resist.

Bald Beauty of the Day

Uncertainty Grips My Soul

I have been keeping busy over the last few days making changes to my blog, tending to family needs, and feeling crushed under weight of uncertainty. At times I feel as though I can not breathe, and I find my mind going blank as my soul screams out.

My husband dropped a bomb on me a few days ago and I have been filled with anger and disbelief; expressionless sorrow. He called to tell me that our landlady is going to sell the house that we just moved in to. What? How could this be? Before we signed the lease and moved in, we told her father (who has power of attorney on the property) that our intentions were to stay for a long time because we are not in a position to purchase a home. The house is in need of a lot of TLC, and we were prepared to do the work necessary to make it suitable for Simmi. About two weeks after we moved into the house, the landlady’s father had four massive strokes. He was our advocate, and the one who assured us that we would be able to live here for an extended period of time. Now he is fragile and weak, barely able to speak. He needs physical therapy for his hand skills as well. So what does all this have to do with the uncertainty that grips my soul? Well, the landlady wants to put the house on the market so she can purchase a house for her family. She needs the money from the sale of our home to make that possible. Where do we go now? We just moved in here! There is a part of me that completely understands that she needs to take care of her family, but there is another part of me that feels irrational and wants to make judgements. I want to sympathize with her dilemma, but I feel disappointed that she doesn’t understand what we have been through as a family. To be completely honest, I find it callous of her to call my husband, knowing full well our situation, and tell him that she is selling the house. Is there any compassion in this woman’s heart? We lost everything we owned and we are rebuilding our lives. I feel as though we are being kicked while we are down. My anger is palpable and always close to the surface, making me a walking time bomb for which I am ready to unleash the fury of my sharp tongue and irrational accusations. Her parents live right across the street from us, and yesterday her mom came over to ask if I had an item she could borrow to help her husband work on his hand skills. This is the sweetest and most adorable woman ever. I am really fond of her parents, but as her mother was walking over to my house, I felt this surge of fury well up inside of me. I tried to compose myself, but I know she could see in my eyes that something wasn’t right. I couldn’t even smile when she came to the door, and as she asked me for the item she wanted, I had a half cracked smile of disdain and just kept “um hmming” her. Then I let her know kindly that we didn’t have that particular object, but we used to before we lost everything.

I have all these thoughts that may not be far from the truth, and I hope they are totally wrong. My first thought after my husband broke the news to me was “We are being scammed!” If a landlord doesn’t have the money to make the necessary repairs to a rental they are paying a mortgage on, what is the best way to get it fixed up so you can get the damn thing off your hands by selling it? The answer is offer the renter a reduced rent and some money back each month for making the repairs. If she had no intention of selling right away, then we wouldn’t mind making those repairs. The investment for us is in the health and well being of our family. You can’t put a price tag on that, and there are things definitely more important than money! But why would I go ahead and settle my family into a home that we would have to move out of in six months? Does that make sense to anyone? It makes me rip roaring mad. It messes with the emotional well being of my family as well. It wasn’t enough for them to lose everything, and now we lose this too?

Are there other homes in my area that would be a good alternative to this house? Yes and no. There are homes in this area that are for rent that are WAY better than this house, but they have wall to wall carpeting. We can’t have carpeting because of Simmi’s skin problems. There are however certain types of area rugs that she doesn’t break out from. As I said earlier, we aren’t in a position to purchase a home, so how do we know we won’t be faced with the same situation with the next house we move in to? A friend of mine offered a suggestion to try and get an extended lease. I thought that was a great idea and in the back of my mind, at the same time I’m wondering what if the house were to go into foreclosure?

All of this is maddening at times. The uncertainty of what we should do next grips me and rips at me from the inside out. I need my children to feel secure and settled. Of course they are looking at this very differently…they see it as an opportunity to get the house of their dreams! They are not used to living in such a small house and they would love to see us get a bigger one that is new. Is that possible? Yes, but it comes at the cost of Simmi’s health.

Bald Beauty of the Day

My Husband Cyber Dissed Me!

I’m flustered! I’m aghast, perturbed and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Today, my incredibly sexy man calls me to say hi and see how my day is going and as we are talking, he says the funniest thing to me:

“One of my friends on Face Book loves your website.” At first, I thought “wow, how cool is that!” but then I couldn’t stop blinking and my mind went blank. Why, you may ask? Well, in that moment I realized my own husband dissed me on Face Book! I was silent for a second, and then for two, and he asked me what was wrong. I started grinning and said “What do you mean one of your friends on Face Book loves my website? How long have you been on Face Book?” He starts laughing and said that he told me all about how he signed up and found all his friends…UH, OH NO HE DIDN’T! OOOO! I told him that he said no such thing to me! He knows I’m on Face Book, so I asked him why he didn’t add me as a friend? Now he is laughing wildly, and me…I’m still grinning from ear to ear. I wanted to hear his defense.

Why didn’t he add me? So then I asked him this next question…”Did you add your mom to your friends list?” He paused for a moment and said “My mom is on Face Book?”  Oh, his brothers and ALL his friends from high school and college are on his list (even old girlfriends)…but not me or his mother? What’s up with that? Here is a screen shot after I went to Face Book to look him up:

Nervously he is still laughing and confessing that he has no idea how he could have let this slip by. I told him there was only one thing I could do about such a major slip…exact my revenge on him in my blog!

When I couldn’t hold my laugh in any longer, I let out the most sardonic laugh and he knew in that moment that I was actually going to write about this little “incident.” I razzed him for a while about it and he was relieved that I thought the whole thing was hilarious. I wanted him to stew for a bit, thinking that I was really upset about it, but he couldn’t see my face on the other end of the phone line! I couldn’t stop smiling. It was such an innocent mistake (or was it? hmm? LOL), but I wonder how many wives who’s husbands are away for long periods of time would look at it and wonder if he was trying to hook up with an old flame, or find a nice warm body in his area.

I trust him with all that is in me, and one thing that I know about relationships is that it is important for our mates to maintain good solid friendships. He actually has quite the social life out there in Maryland, going to concerts, hanging out with friends at the bar, meeting up with long time friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way. He was feeling guilty last week because I am all alone out here with no support system, friends or family. Then he asked if I had a problem with him going places and doing things with his friends, I said “Oh hell no, are you kidding me? Someone in this family has to go out and have some fun!”

I adore that man! YUM!