South China Sea Intrigue

A few days ago I heard an interesting story on CNN about how the USNS Impeccable was poking around the South China sea, when all the sudden some Chinese ships started to pursue them telling them to leave the area.

The Pentagon claims that the Chinese ships were harassing the Impeccable and even said that they have “increasingly aggressive conduct.”

So what did the Chinese do exactly? Well, according to the Pentagon, two Chinese vessels were in close proximity to the Impeccable, waving their flag and telling the Impeccable to leave the area. (That sounds so aggressive huh?)

What happened next is what caught my attention. It seems that as five Chinese vessels came closer, they also started to throw pieces of wood into the water. OOO!!!!!!! Wood was thrown in the water! AND because the Impeccable didn’t quite know what the intentions of the Chinese vessels were and contending that it was an aggressive move on their part, the Impeccable decided to take some fire hoses and spray the Chinese vessels with water. I started cracking up when I heard this next part…get this…the Chinese crew members decided to strip down to their underwear while being sprayed with the fire hoses! Oh-My-God! This is aggressive? This is dangerous? To whom? You know what…if the Chinese were in international water somewhere near a protected area of the United States, you better bet your ass that we would have our military out there trying to get them away from our protected interests. Why do we feel that it is ok to take surveillance ships near the coasts of other countries and collect data, and if that country finds it threatening and decides to warn us to leave, we find that aggressive?

I am amused, I guess, by the thought of Chinese men stripping down to their skivvies and dancing around in the water being sprayed at them. Maybe there is more to this story than we are being told, but on the surface it looks like China made it pretty clear that they wanted our people to leave the area and we got pissed off. It also makes me wonder if we are too arrogant as a military power. Is it essential that we be over there sticking our equipment where it doesn’t belong? Yet, if another country were to do that to us we would have our panties all up in a bunch? Do we need to lighten up a little? Or is the U.S. correct in it’s assumptions that China is increasingly aggressive towards us over there?

I would LOVE to see a video of all that transpired! You know they must have a copy of it over at the Navy!

Bald Beauty of the Day

Good News and Big Girl Panties

OK, I have some really good news to report. A few days ago when I was talking to my man, he told me he spoke to our landlady and she will NOT be selling the house. He had a heart to heart with her, and by the end of the conversation she said that she would continue to rent to us. (I don’t know why I’m putting this picture of myself up on the left!)

I’m very relieved that we won’t have to look for another place to live. I had so many big plans for this house, so my mind is shifted back to completing the large task at hand–painting, repairing and replacing the floors, and designing the kids rooms. We don’t mind making the investment as long as we can stay in the house for at least five years.

I just thought I would share that with all of you. I’m giving a big cyber hug (((HUG))) to all those who have kept us in their thoughts and prayers through this past week. I felt like it was the week from hell.

Now, the title of this piece is “Good News and Big Girl Panties” so by now you are probably wondering about those big girl panties right?

Well…

A few weeks ago my husband and his mom decided to go shopping for some clothes for me and kids. They wanted to send a nice package filled with lots of goodies and much needed clothing. Dom asked about the sizes of the kids and I, and I gave him all the information. Now, over the last two months I have been busy getting clothing needed for the kids and I didn’t bother to buy anything for myself. Basically I have one pair of jeans, a few white tee-shirts, about five pairs of underwear and some socks…oh, and a jacket. But that’s it. A really nice lady here in NM donated some yoga pants and shirts to me, and those are great for around the house, but I can’t wear them out. Anyway, Dom was excited to get me some new clothes and I usually trust his judgment…he has great taste in clothing and shoes.

Last week the long awaited package arrived, and filled of excitement, I ripped open the box. His mom lovingly wrapped each our things and put tags on everything (it was like Christmas all over again). The kids were in school at that time, so I just opened the stuff for Simmi and I. Her stuff was so cute, and mine…uh, well, I stood there smiling and trying to process what I had just received! The first thing I grabbed were two pairs of jeans. I unfold them and WOW! BELL BOTTOM JEANS! I don’t mind a boot cut, but I started to chuckle at these things. In my mind, I started to see myself as the late Latin Diva Selena. Damn the bottom of them were wide! No problem though, because I could just cut the bottoms and make carpi’s out of them. Then I take out the next thing; polyester beige grandma pants with a complete elastic waist! Oh my, now I’m laughing. There were also tee-shirts which were very nice but what took the cake for me was the underwear. I told him not to get anything too sexy since he was out with his mom, but that I wanted something nice. I didn’t pay attention to the size of these things because I was looking at the picture on the cover and wondered what the hell he was thinking even getting this kind! Here is a picture I took of the package:

I’m wondering if he even looked at the STYLE of underwear that he chose for me! I would never wear underwear like that. Maybe he was busy looking at the hot chick wearing those underwear since she is the only one in the universe that could pull off such feat and still look good!

Since I was really in need of underwear (you can never have too many) I decided to open up the package and see exactly what they looked like. I took a picture of that too, just so you could see just how huge these things are! He must have gotten the wrong size for me, because when I opened them up, I never bothered to see what size they were….UH…..size HUMONGOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

I put this fantastic pair of panties on top of Simmi’s stroller so you could see the sheer magnitude of these things! I can cover the stroller with them!

Just for shits and giggles I tried them on. Let-me-tell-you, that when I say these things were big on me, I mean HUGE. They literally came up past my ribcage right under my boobs! I even went over to the mirror just to see what I looked like in them. I nearly pissed in those things laughing so hard!

So it got me to wondering if he wasn’t really thinking about the chick on the cover of the underwear box, but instead if he was thinking of the two hot ladies that he told me he hooked up with in a moment of weakness, because to tell you the truth, he must have been thinking of them when he bought me those Big Girl Panties! Here he is with his “lady friends.” I was suspicious after seeing those panties, so I hired a private detective to see what Dom was up to. I got the picture on the right in the mail from the private eye.

Tonight Dom called me to tell me that he is coming home to see us in two weeks and that was such a great surprise. It has been almost two months since I last saw him. I have an awesome night planned for him when he gets here! Wine, candle light, figs and olives, and of course all I will be wearing are my new big girl panties!

My Husband Cyber Dissed Me!

I’m flustered! I’m aghast, perturbed and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Today, my incredibly sexy man calls me to say hi and see how my day is going and as we are talking, he says the funniest thing to me:

“One of my friends on Face Book loves your website.” At first, I thought “wow, how cool is that!” but then I couldn’t stop blinking and my mind went blank. Why, you may ask? Well, in that moment I realized my own husband dissed me on Face Book! I was silent for a second, and then for two, and he asked me what was wrong. I started grinning and said “What do you mean one of your friends on Face Book loves my website? How long have you been on Face Book?” He starts laughing and said that he told me all about how he signed up and found all his friends…UH, OH NO HE DIDN’T! OOOO! I told him that he said no such thing to me! He knows I’m on Face Book, so I asked him why he didn’t add me as a friend? Now he is laughing wildly, and me…I’m still grinning from ear to ear. I wanted to hear his defense.

Why didn’t he add me? So then I asked him this next question…”Did you add your mom to your friends list?” He paused for a moment and said “My mom is on Face Book?”  Oh, his brothers and ALL his friends from high school and college are on his list (even old girlfriends)…but not me or his mother? What’s up with that? Here is a screen shot after I went to Face Book to look him up:

Nervously he is still laughing and confessing that he has no idea how he could have let this slip by. I told him there was only one thing I could do about such a major slip…exact my revenge on him in my blog!

When I couldn’t hold my laugh in any longer, I let out the most sardonic laugh and he knew in that moment that I was actually going to write about this little “incident.” I razzed him for a while about it and he was relieved that I thought the whole thing was hilarious. I wanted him to stew for a bit, thinking that I was really upset about it, but he couldn’t see my face on the other end of the phone line! I couldn’t stop smiling. It was such an innocent mistake (or was it? hmm? LOL), but I wonder how many wives who’s husbands are away for long periods of time would look at it and wonder if he was trying to hook up with an old flame, or find a nice warm body in his area.

I trust him with all that is in me, and one thing that I know about relationships is that it is important for our mates to maintain good solid friendships. He actually has quite the social life out there in Maryland, going to concerts, hanging out with friends at the bar, meeting up with long time friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way. He was feeling guilty last week because I am all alone out here with no support system, friends or family. Then he asked if I had a problem with him going places and doing things with his friends, I said “Oh hell no, are you kidding me? Someone in this family has to go out and have some fun!”

I adore that man! YUM!

My Interview With Mr. Revell

My delightfully delicious blogging hero Bobby Revell asked me five very interesting questions. I had to really sit and ponder the interview questions because some of what I say may be true and the rest is a bunch of bullshit!

If you want to participate, read the instructions on the bottom of this funky article.

1. You are single in a night club dressed to kill and having fun, but not many guys around. Three equally handsome men ask you to dance: one with no eyes, one wearing a skin tight leopard patterned spandex jumpsuit, and one outwardly bisexual billionaire gothic emo. Which one do you say yes to and why? Would you possibly make out with him? More? Less?
That one is easy! The man in the leopard patterned spandex jumpsuit would be the one for me. Here are my reasons for choosing him over the man with no eyes and the outwardly bisexual billionaire gothic emo:

• How the hell is the man with no eyes supposed to find me? Is he supposed to “feel around?” Nope, not for me, just because he’s blind doesn’t mean he gets a free pass to feel me up to “see me”, I don’t care how handsome he is. I’m sure he’d be good in bed, but I have my sights set on a bigger fish to fry! (no pun intended)
• The outwardly bisexual billionaire gothic emo would have to keep on walking because, no matter how much money he had, would probably end up leaving the night club with his female partner after introducing him to the blind guy! My life is complicated as it is, I don’t need a crying emo banging on my door at 3:00am looking for JoJo! So I’ll pass on the goth…which leads me to the cream of the crop…
• The man in the tight leopard patterned spandex jumpsuit is the end all be all for me. I’d say yes to him, because any man that would show up in a tight spandex jumpsuit must either have a great sense of humor or a few loose screws! If he has a great sense of humor, he’s not going to take himself too seriously, and if he has a few loose screws he isn’t going to take other people too seriously…I win either way with that one! Would I make out with him? Most definitely…shit, I would probably even go back to his place just to see what he would dress me up as and what kind of toys he has to play with.

2. If you could fight one famous person–serious fist fight–who would it be and why It can be someone currently living or someone in history?

If I could have a serious fist fight with one famous person it would be Angelina Jolie! Why? Well, can you imagine the money for charity that would be made off of an event like that? People would order Pay Per View just to see if we get it on AFTER we beat the shit out of each other.

3. What advice would you give to your fifteen-year-old self if you could go back in time?

I wouldn’t go back and give my fifteen year old self any advice, but this is what I would say:

“Angela, you won’t always be introverted, withdrawn and keep to yourself. When you are older, you will find your voice, find the greatest love of your life, have a best friend (my soul sister) you would lay your life down for and you will realize what is really important in the grand scheme of things…your family and other people.”

Then after I tell my young self this, I will be busy trying to calm this 15 year old hyperventilating adolescent girl down, because she just realized that when she is 40 she will be a bald woman!

4. Make a little story out of this blurb I will give you. You may add to the beginning or the end, or both.

“The friendly technician, who was only moments ago making jokes with me to calm my nerves, was now rushing by me with a large envelope in his hands. He wouldn’t allow his eyes to meet mine on his way by. So yeah, I knew”

Ok, here’s mine:

Early on Monday morning as I was getting ready to interview for the job of a lifetime as the new “Dear Abby” my thoughts kept bringing me back to Saturday night when I left a night club called “The Feel Around” with this guy who asked me to dance. I think his name was Robert, or Bob or Bobby but I can’t for the life remember because I was dazzled by his tight leopard spandex jumpsuit. I don’t know what surprised me more about that night…his wacky personality or my reckless abandon! I’ll spare you the sorted details of what transpired, but needless to say, we took photos. Here he is after we left the night club Saturday night:

As I was thinking about how much fun we had that night, my attention was snatched for a moment by a technician that looked so familiar. I realized that this man was the blind guy from the night club! Even though I was sitting with about 50 other people also applying for the position as “Dear Abby,” I risked my place in line and approached him. Sure enough, it was him! He was a really funny guy and made me feel more at ease about my impending interview.

I was curious about how his night went after I introduced him to this horrid openly bisexual billionaire goth emo, and he told me that the two of them hit it off. I have to admit that I felt bad, but hey, I really liked his girlfriend JoJo and the blind dude was the perfect decoy to snatch her away from the pitiful emo. But I digress…

Finally it’s my turn, and they call my name. The secretary leads me to the boss’s office and to my surprise, guess who is sitting there waiting to interview me? Yup, you guessed it, the billionaire goth emo from Saturday night. My heart started racing and I could feel all the blood rush from my head. Why was I so nervous? Well, I never took JoJo back home and decided to keep her for myself! At that moment I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that I would get hired. He tried to stay objective, but I could see he was just getting more angry as the interview went on. Here is a picture of the boss…we took this picture Saturday night after we whisked JoJo out the back door.

After the interview was over, I went back out into the waiting area because the ad said that they were hiring on the spot. I sat looking at all the eager applicants vying for the same position when I spotted the blind technician from across the room. Quickly, I rose up out of my seat like my ass was on fire, and rushed over to talk with him. But the friendly technician, who was only moments ago making jokes with me to calm my nerves, was now rushing by me with a large envelope in his hands. He wouldn’t allow his eyes to meet mine on his way by. So yeah, I knew I didn’t get the job.

5. If you were granted one magical wish, what would it be? Please explain.

If I were granted one magical wish, it would be that my grand daughter Simmi would be able to speak and properly express herself. Simmi has a speech disability as well as not being able to properly communicate non-verbally. Most of us go through life taking our ability to speak for granted. We can say yes when we want something and no if we don’t. For some it takes a life time to find their own voice, but what if you can’t even utter words properly, and when you shake your head “no” you really mean “yes?” The simplest of requests go unmet because you can not say you are thirsty or hungry or wet and cold. Your life is a series of misunderstandings to which you become so frustrated. Cognition is not the problem, but neurological signals that are crossed and all mixed up. Yeah, if I had one wish, it would be for her to open up that precious little mouth of hers and tell me what she needs and wants.

If you haven’t done this interview yet and would like to, follow these instructions:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Bald Beauty of the Day

Happy Birthday Mr. Savo!

One of my favorite humor bloggers is Mr. John Savo of “The Authoring Auctioneer“. His wit, satirical rants and sarcastic views make me smile each and everyday.

Recently John wrote a piece called “I hate Christmas and Jesus does too” and in this entry he says:

“Yes, I hate Christmas.  Gross materialism and the pretense of gift giving aside, I despise the holiday for another reason: My birthday is December 28.  As a child, I always got screwed.  When my brothers and sister would receive more gifts than I on Christmas morning, my grandmother would always say to me, “Remember, you have a birthday coming up.”  No shit.  Really?”

So…John, I thought I would get you a few special things for your birthday:

Rudolph and a few of the elves decided that enough was enough, and turned Santa in. Although he is now out on bail, he will be arraigned on elf and reindeer abuse charges. Currently, Rudolph and a few of the Elves have been put into the Witness Protection Program and we are hoping that they will not change their minds about testifying. I thought this mugshot would brighten your day!

Next, since you have been in the auction family business, I thought some fine art would be in order:

I didn’t want to throw culture out the door, so I got VIP tickets for you and your wife Nikki to the premiere of your brand new opera “Apocalypse Smurf” with yours truly playing Smurfette!

To read John’s list of Inappropriate Musicals just click the link!

And finally, as a memento of the glorious day Santa’s career came to an end, I pulled some strings with the FBI and an inside source gave me the following magazine from Santa’s secret stash of porn! Since you are an auctioneer, I am giving you this rare copy of “Bush Tailed Beauties of the North Pole” to commemorate the event. I am sure that someday you will fetch a pretty penny for this great keepsake.

Happy Birthday Mr. Savo, thanks for making me smile everyday!