Bald Fetishism

I wanted to address a topic that is rather heated in the lives of women who live as Alopecians; the bizarre world of bald fetishists. I have gone to a number of bald fetish sites to see what the fascination is with a bald woman and try to make sense of this odd sexual proclivity. Women shave their heads for a variety of reasons, but as I am discovering, it is about power for a woman. And for every “powerful clean shaven woman” there is an awestruck willing man erect and waiting to be subdued. I wanted to look objectively at this group of participants, because I believe women are just as much apart of the bald fetish world as men are. I wanted to understand exactly what the big “turn on” was and why this particular fetish makes men go nuts and blow their load.

The picture on the left shows two women involved in fantasy roles, one as a dominate and the other as a submissive. For the sake of staying on the conservative side, I am not showing the rest of the picture. The woman being shaved not only has a clothes pin on her tongue, but she is topless with clothes pins pinched to her breasts as well, and from the waist down she is wearing a plaid Catholic school uniform skirt, white knee high socks and shoes. For me, it’s hard to see what the great appeal in this is, or even how it can be a turn on. And then it dawned on me; how long has sex in general been looked at as bad, wrong, sinful, immoral, disgusting, perverted and base? What were you told growing up about sex? How about sex before marriage? Could fetishism just be some deep psychological rebellion against what their parents expressed as acceptable and “right?”  Or is it the acting out of parental hangups about sex, beauty, love and life? As I view this first picture on the left I see a few things at work. I see a woman with a clothes pin pinched on her pieced tongue. Is there something she isn’t supposed to talk about? Her head is being shaved; was vanity and beautiful hair ever an contentious issue in this persons life? This is supposed to be exciting? A turn on? Well, when you were young, did you ever have sex in the house while your parents were home? Did you find it exciting to do something you weren’t supposed to do? Was it a turn on to almost get caught?

Since a bald woman isn’t a regular part of what is “acceptable” in the mainstream media or society, I think this adds to the appeal with fetishists. But what is a fetishist anyway? I believe that a fetishist of any kind needs that object or body part to get off sexually. The list of fetishes are extensive! Smelly feet, defecation, animals, hands, hair color, latex rubber outfits, S&M, size and shape of a woman or man, piercings, tattoos, fantasy incest, angry clown sex, objects…you name it and it has probably already been an active part of someone’s sexual life.

It can be a totally selfish and self serving sexual behavior that cares nothing for the other person. But for every self-serving fetishist, there is an equally self-serving partner…so I think they are kind of made for each other, don’t you? There are women that shave their heads because it’s a turn on to them and they know there is an audience for their brand of sexuality. Does that make it wrong? As objectionable and disgusting, immoral and base as you may feel it is, it’s how these people choose to live their lives and express themselves sexually.

I wonder what will happen if more women decide to make it acceptable to be bald in public and in society. Will it be as much of a turn on to the fetishist? I must clarify something though…I don’t believe if a man feels a bald woman is beautiful, it automatically makes him a bald fetishist. There is beauty to the female form, and when her hair is gone it allows the face, bone structure, eyes, nose, lips and smile to be seen clearly. Hair is no longer a distraction. Some men are actually surprised that they find a bald woman attractive. I would hate for them to feel shame in some way because they find bald women beautiful or sexy.

I have spoken to many women who are bald not by choice but because they are Alopecians. These are women who have lost their hair and now feel preyed upon by bald fetishists. They feel objectified by a fetishist’s advances, and rightly so! These are women who are NOT a part of the bald fetish fringe group and do not wish to be exploited or used to fulfill some strange sexual fantasy of a man who can’t seem to get it up without the assistance of looking at a bald woman. This of course adds to the excitement for the bald fetishist because “they’re advances and compliments aren’t welcome” by the Alopecian woman and this in turn adds to the appeal.

I have had a very good experience being an Alopecian woman, and while there have been some fetishists that have contacted me online, for the most part they have been far and few between. I don’t feel every man that thinks I’m sexy or beautiful is under suspicion of being a fetishist. I accept the compliment and allow my beauty to be acknowledged.

If you are a bald fetishist (male or female or both), leave a comment and let me know what the appeal is for you.

If you are an Alopecian what are your feelings about bald fetishists?

If you are neither but have a ready opinion…tell me what you think!

Bald Beauty of the Day

Does Hair Make Us Women?

If we lose our hair do we lose the essence of what it is to be a woman? What exactly makes us female? Is it our hair and breasts or is there more? Does having a well defined rack make us more attractive and does gorgeous thick hair complete the package? It’s funny how for so long that’s what I thought. I believed my femininity was tied to my hair, and when I started losing that hair, I thought I was unfeminine, unattractive, undesirable and no longer bore the distinguishing features of a woman. It’s a dark place to dwell…because it changed me. We start to REALLY lose the essence of being a woman when we lose our humanity, our compassion, our mercy, our love and concern for others and love for ourselves. We forget who we are inside because we are so busy concentrating on our physical beauty. It can bring out the worst in us as we begin to envy every man, woman and child with a fuller and more healthy head of hair than ours. We look in the mirror for our beauty and it seems as though it is slipping away…but is it because of how our hair looks? Couldn’t it be that we don’t recognize ourselves anymore because we have forgotten what being feminine is really all about? Have I lost that winsome quality that others find so appealing? Have I lost that glimmer of excitement and zest for life that my children have always loved about me and my husband always thought was such a turn on? Am I no longer concerned about the feelings and needs of those around me because I think my beauty has faded and I no longer consider another person’s worth because I myself feel worthless?

What if in the quest for the perfect head of hair, I erase the essence of myself until all that is left is darkness where my eyes used to dwell and all distinguishable remnants of my personality are gone, forever replaced by a stark shadow of what I used to be? Shall I dwell on what was, what I looked like and how I used to be, or will I begin to reassess my life, and breathe new life into my being? What does it truly mean to be feminine? I found it interesting when I looked up the word “feminine” in the online dictionary, that I couldn’t find a single definition with hair as a governing factor (or even mentioned) of what it means to be feminine.

Femininity comes from within and it springs forth softening the world around us. So if we shave our heads do we become less feminine? Do we begin to look more like a man? I don’t believe we do, yet that is exactly what most women fear when they know they are going bald. I know I thought that way! I thought I would look ridiculous, unfeminine and maybe a little androgynous. But no matter how you slice it, we are women and can not look like a man if we tried!

An Alopecian woman can and does break the mold of what the world often perceives as flawless beauty and femininity. In the modeling world, where icons of beauty are made, it is the woman with a distinct unique “flaw” that actually makes her more beautiful. Whether it is a large nose, huge mole, outrageous lips, slightly crooked teeth or strangely provocative eyes, it’s these outward characteristics that can draw others in…and it is the same for the Alopecian woman. Her outward beauty is just the doorway…enter into her world, and she will give you a glimpse of wild beauty, seductive allure, brilliant wit, an open heart and she will love you like no one has ever loved you before. Not because she is desperate, but because of her strength. She is a treasure beyond compare, and she will keep you coming back for more. Her heart is tender, and her arms are always open. This is flawless beauty and femininity and it is the perfection of an Alopecian woman.

Do Men and Women Feel the Same Way About Hair Loss?

Do men and women struggle with the same issues emotionally when it comes to hair loss? I believe the they do. I asked my husband how he feels since he started to lose his hair, and this glazed over, pale look on his face said it all. Although I have been dealing with hair loss for the last five years, the thought that he could also now be dealing with his own loss has him stuck like a deer in the head lights.

My husband started to develop bald patches in his eyebrows, a quarter sized bald patch in his chest hair, and the hair on his head has started to shed quite a bit. My two younger children have experienced similar hair loss and we believe that they are also affected by the mold that we have in the house we are currently renting.

I wanted to understand what he was feeling about losing his hair, and it was so profoundly deep that he could barely bring himself to talk about it. He has accepted my hair loss and he has embraced loving me as an Alopecian woman, but will he be able to accept himself if his hair loss does not resolve itself? Will he begin to move away from me emotionally and bury his pain deep inside where I can not reach him? His hair is absolutely stunning and creates a softness to his face and features. It is natural for him to feel pain and anguish over losing it but my hope is that he will continue to stay open to me emotionally so that he can move forward with his life continuing to reach toward his goals, dreams and desires. Hair loss has a way of stopping these thing dead in their tracks for a time and the emotionally paralysing affects can bring us into a place of isolation, loneliness and despair.

I believe that men feel just as much torment over losing their hair as women do, it is after all a part of the human condition.

Shh!!! I’m Hiding!

For five years I have looked at having alopecia as something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I often felt that horrible feeling but never really explored what it meant to me personally. What was it exactly that I was so embarrassed of? Was it the loss of my hair? Maybe that was part of it, but that wasn’t all of it. Losing my hair was a big deal, but does that mean I was vain? At the time I thought so. I hid it away, where it sat and festered like an angry boil, hot and throbbing…I began to hate myself for thinking I was vain. Loathing the very idea, that, as someone who has never cared about the appearances of others’, I couldn’t stand to look at myself. How did that happen? Was God bringing me through some test to reveal hidden vanity? I searched my soul, and yet I couldn’t repent. Was I in denial? I have always loved who I am, but now, my world was rocked by this fear that I was in fact vain! Why couldn’t I repent? I searched some more, and realised that it wasn’t vanity…it was my hiding.
I have always believed in being who I was no matter what. I cared very little whether people accepted me based on my looks, personality, spirituality or mental ability. But I became duplicitous. I became a false witness unto myself, and decieved everyone around me.
I repented before God for my duplicitousness and the shame and embarrassment melted away.
So where do I go from here?
I have read through many comments and blogs, and some of the things that I have gleaned from this beautiful Alopecian family of mine, is that many wish they could “come out.” They have hoped for a way to let others know that they do not have cancer, and wished that they didn’t have to keep explaining to everyone that was curious. They longed for a way to be able to spot a fellow Alopecian in the crowd, just to send a smile or even be able to approach them. But how do we do that?
I believe there is a way. Isn’t it possible for us to tell others “I am an Alopecian?” Instead of always having to say “I have alopecia?”
As I was thinking of those two sayings, I realised that to say “I am an Alopecian” conveys a feeling of acceptance that “this is who I am physically.” And to say “I have alopecia”, well, it sounds like a it could be contagious. It leaves a feeling of fear with the person who may have never heard of it before. Words are powerful. They can hurt, but they can also heal.
Can we in some way legally make Alopecians yet another tribe of people? There are laws that are created for people with disabilities, sexual orientation, race, religion, and even animals. I know that all of us fit into many of these categories, but I think that the law should be revisited for Alopecians.
I believe that as Alopecians, we can be proud of the fact that we can blend into the world around us, and we can also stand out. It is our right. To tell others “I am an Alopecian”, is to inform them of two simple truths…first, that our hair falls out and sometimes grows back and second, that we change. It gives women and men the freedom to wear what feels most comfortable for them on their heads and it gives them the option to go aunatural if they want to. I think by saying to others “I am an Alopecian”, we are no longer trying to fit into their mold of perceived beauty, and we make it “normal” to blend or stand out whenever we feel like it.
This leads me to a question for all of you…
Would you be interested in adopting a symbol to represent the Alopecian? I would love to start an international campaign to not only to bring awareness to alopecia in its many forms, but also to be officially known as Alopecians. I would like to adopt the chameleon for the campaign, because we can blend or we can stand out! It could be a beautiful pin, a necklace or some sort of jewelry…a tee-shirt or symbol on a hat. Whatever you would like to wear, that can be identified by other Alopecians out there. How many suffer in silence? I think it can be a clever way for others to know…AND for us to find each other out there.
What do you think?
On a personal note, I feel really exposed right now. LOL I wanted to share my personal deep feelings, and I, in no way am saying that others that may have read my personal confession are just like me. My desire was to share where I came from, and where I want to go from here. But I can’t do it alone, nor do I want to.