Someone is Posing as Me!

As of May 2, 2009 the picture on the left is me. That’s right, this bald chick’s hair loss is going in remission. I won’t know for another six months if my hair is stable, but for now it is. I have both scarring and non-scarring Alopecia. Scarring Alopecia’s technical name is Cicatricial Alopecia. The scar exists under the skin and no outward signs of scarring can be seen. Upon close examination of my scalp, you will however see that there are no openings for hair to grow. The holes are closed up. This is a permanent loss of hair that can NEVER grow back. I have these spots all over my scalp. I also have been through a wide range  of other forms of non-scarring Alopecia which is not permanent. Over the last five and a half years, I have not seen as much growth as I have now. I attribute this awesome hair growth to the lack of mold out here in the South West. Hair that seemed to be missing for so long has awakened like Sleepy Hollow. Those hairs that have been sleeping have chosen to awaken white as snow. It is definitely a very interesting look for me.

So here I am in all my glory. No make up, and newly growing almost full head of hair coming in. I posted that picture yesterday on the Women’s Hair Loss Project Network. Well, today, I get a private message on the Network from one of the ladies who was concerned about a blog site she stumbled upon and it had a picture of ME there. She gave me the link, and I was angry beyond all belief by what I saw. Let me give you a little background about the Women’s Hair Loss Project Network and Forum…

The Network and Forum were created to be a safe place for women to come and talk about their hair loss and seek comfort and support. I wrote an article about the Network if you would like to read it here. Anyway, one of the reasons I love the Network and Forum is that you will not find any kind of advertising for hair loss products of any kind. The owner of the site has dedicated her life to helping women who suffer from hair loss. There are lots of forums and membership sites out there and the one thing they all have in common is that they offer some sort of products. Now, there is nothing wrong with making money, but I believe that there should be at least one place in the whole of the world wide web where women can escape from being bombarded by someone peddling a wig, topper, laser comb, laser treatments, pills and potions all promising to grow that head of hair back. The hair loss product industry is huge! There is a lot of money to be made there. On the Alopecian Muse, I have also chosen NOT to sell any products related to hair loss. My reason? I believe that women can be beautiful bald, and if they see that there is yet another option in being bald, why not?! Not everyone can afford expensive wigs, hair systems, loony “laser therapy” that doesn’t work, hair loss potions, or harmful medication that may or may not help in the hair growth process. We are bombarded everyday with these things, and when you are a woman and you are going bald, you will try almost ANYTHING to get that head of hair back. One woman said to me joking around that if hair would grow back by strangers pissing on her head, she would let them do it just so it would grow again. Was she really joking? I don’t think so. Hair loss is such a deeply emotionally scarring process that leaves both men and women feeling less than beautiful. Less secure. Those of us who have experienced it have gone through times of isolation, pushing away even those we love the most out of self preservation.

So…who is the freaking poser? Well, it is obviously a new member of the Women’s Hair Loss Project Network. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you how many people peddling products sign up trying to sell their shit on the Network. Selling stuff will get you immediately banned from the site, but that doesn’t stop greedy people from trying anyway.

This woman copied pictures of me and a few other ladies on the Network and decided to post them on her blog as HER! Beyond the fact that it is not her in those photos, she is using the picture of ME and my new hair growth to sell an e-book titled “Reverse Female Hair Loss” written by a woman named Ashley Michaels. Why would this chick need to use pictures of women on the Network instead of her own? Not only that, but gives a bogus testimony? It is all a big lie and hoax! This woman is trying to get her piece of the hair loss pie and wants to use unsuspecting women to do so! Do you see anything wrong with that? Here are two screen shots of her site:

I plan on also leaving a nice little blog on the Network directed at her, so after I do that she may actually remove the site and/or pictures. I thought a few screen shots were in order just in case she does decide to take down the site. I will also be reporting this to the company she is trying to make money from…namely Ashley Michaels. There are genuinely sincere people out there that do want to help women with hair loss, and I don’t want to disparage Ashley Michaels name or e-book because I have not read it. I don’t know if her book is just a big lie, or if there is some truth to it. One thing I do know though…if I were selling an e-book and bogus claims were being employed, I would sue their asses for everything they got.

A little message for Miss Becky from “Becky’s Hair Loss Blog”:

Becky,

You have come onto the Network “claiming” to be a woman in need of support for your hair loss, but all you have done is show that you are a money grubbing, hair loss whore trying to make money off the misery and vulnerability of others. Why use our photos? Why not use your own? You make me sick beyond belief.

Go crawl back under that rock you came from you fucking snake!

No Longer Yours,

Angela

For anyone wishing to leave Miss Becky a comment on her blog about all this, I highly encourage it! She may end up removing it, so get over there as quickly as possible and leave her your thoughts! Spread the love my friends. What she did was wrong, make sure to let her know!

Here is her site:

http://beckyshairlossblog.blogspot.com/

Bald Beauty of the Day

The Beautiful Susan Boyle

By now, everyone has heard about Susan Boyle, the woman who made every one’s jaw drop as she opened her mouth to sing. I LOVE this woman for her absolutely endearing personality, wonderful voice and stunning beauty. That’s right, I said stunning beauty. I have listened to what others have said about this Scottish Lass and I beg to disagree with their charges that she is not easy on the eyes!

I found it appalling that certain news sources would say something to the effect of this:

“Susan Boyle is an example for all those women out there in the world like her.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Women like her? Is that their way of saying that she is homely, ugly, a dog? She has been called a spinster, “never been kissed”, and lots of other things. They wanted to do a “make over” on her and her response to them was something that only a perfect person could say. Basically she didn’t want to alter her appearance too much because then she wouldn’t be “real.” She didn’t want to give in to appearances and create a “falsehood.” What an elegant way to stick it to the media!

So, why did everyone think that this woman couldn’t sing? Was it because she wasn’t “perfect” according to society’s standard? She was sassy, had personality, and EVERYONE laughed at her and rolled their eyes. You know, all those people that couldn’t sing, couldn’t bear to be themselves physically and probably altered their own physical beauty to “fit in.” Who doesn’t alter their appearance? But back to the original question…why did everyone think she couldn’t sing? I must be really stupid, because I never believed that vocal chords were directly related to facial features and body size! Wow, I feel so sheepish! Here I was thinking that the discipline of singing had to do with vocal training and years of practice.

Is everyone amazed that she can sing because of the way she looks? Why? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever witnessed. Was it her age? She is only seven years older than I am! If I got up to sing (and yes I can sing) and people saw me out there, would they laugh at me because I’m a fat 40 year old bald chick? What makes me any different than this siren sensation from Scotland?

Let me tell you what makes her so unbelievably beautiful, not just on the inside, but outwardly too. It is that she is and will always be who God made her to be. It is pure, unadulterated beauty. We suffer from illusions everyday. Women and men are constantly doing things to change who they are physically, and when someone comes along that bucks that illusion, we actually end up adoring them because they do what we only dream of. When someone doesn’t live in the shadows, afraid of what others will think about them, we admire them for their courage, strength and tenacity. Outward beauty they say fades with age, but I don’t believe that either. I think that with time, a person becomes more lovely. Her eyes are lovely and she shows what a real woman looks like. They put make up on her and I thought to myself, “Why?” Is it for our sakes? I think it is. It isn’t that physically she can’t be stomached, its because we can’t take the reality that she is real and we are not. Would she be easier on the eyes with a make over? Yes, but not for the reasons you may think. We have taken on societies twisted and skewed beliefs about what real beauty looks like, and if she puts on that make up, wears some nice clothing, loses some weight then WE will feel better about ourselves. That is at the heart of all of this. It is for the public’s sake that she is asked to do this…not for hers. She is perfect as she is. Her unspoiled purity can not be easily viewed by those who must live according to society’s rules about beauty and appearances. To change her amounts to the Gilding of a Lily.

Bald Beauty of the Day

Bald Fetishism

I wanted to address a topic that is rather heated in the lives of women who live as Alopecians; the bizarre world of bald fetishists. I have gone to a number of bald fetish sites to see what the fascination is with a bald woman and try to make sense of this odd sexual proclivity. Women shave their heads for a variety of reasons, but as I am discovering, it is about power for a woman. And for every “powerful clean shaven woman” there is an awestruck willing man erect and waiting to be subdued. I wanted to look objectively at this group of participants, because I believe women are just as much apart of the bald fetish world as men are. I wanted to understand exactly what the big “turn on” was and why this particular fetish makes men go nuts and blow their load.

The picture on the left shows two women involved in fantasy roles, one as a dominate and the other as a submissive. For the sake of staying on the conservative side, I am not showing the rest of the picture. The woman being shaved not only has a clothes pin on her tongue, but she is topless with clothes pins pinched to her breasts as well, and from the waist down she is wearing a plaid Catholic school uniform skirt, white knee high socks and shoes. For me, it’s hard to see what the great appeal in this is, or even how it can be a turn on. And then it dawned on me; how long has sex in general been looked at as bad, wrong, sinful, immoral, disgusting, perverted and base? What were you told growing up about sex? How about sex before marriage? Could fetishism just be some deep psychological rebellion against what their parents expressed as acceptable and “right?”  Or is it the acting out of parental hangups about sex, beauty, love and life? As I view this first picture on the left I see a few things at work. I see a woman with a clothes pin pinched on her pieced tongue. Is there something she isn’t supposed to talk about? Her head is being shaved; was vanity and beautiful hair ever an contentious issue in this persons life? This is supposed to be exciting? A turn on? Well, when you were young, did you ever have sex in the house while your parents were home? Did you find it exciting to do something you weren’t supposed to do? Was it a turn on to almost get caught?

Since a bald woman isn’t a regular part of what is “acceptable” in the mainstream media or society, I think this adds to the appeal with fetishists. But what is a fetishist anyway? I believe that a fetishist of any kind needs that object or body part to get off sexually. The list of fetishes are extensive! Smelly feet, defecation, animals, hands, hair color, latex rubber outfits, S&M, size and shape of a woman or man, piercings, tattoos, fantasy incest, angry clown sex, objects…you name it and it has probably already been an active part of someone’s sexual life.

It can be a totally selfish and self serving sexual behavior that cares nothing for the other person. But for every self-serving fetishist, there is an equally self-serving partner…so I think they are kind of made for each other, don’t you? There are women that shave their heads because it’s a turn on to them and they know there is an audience for their brand of sexuality. Does that make it wrong? As objectionable and disgusting, immoral and base as you may feel it is, it’s how these people choose to live their lives and express themselves sexually.

I wonder what will happen if more women decide to make it acceptable to be bald in public and in society. Will it be as much of a turn on to the fetishist? I must clarify something though…I don’t believe if a man feels a bald woman is beautiful, it automatically makes him a bald fetishist. There is beauty to the female form, and when her hair is gone it allows the face, bone structure, eyes, nose, lips and smile to be seen clearly. Hair is no longer a distraction. Some men are actually surprised that they find a bald woman attractive. I would hate for them to feel shame in some way because they find bald women beautiful or sexy.

I have spoken to many women who are bald not by choice but because they are Alopecians. These are women who have lost their hair and now feel preyed upon by bald fetishists. They feel objectified by a fetishist’s advances, and rightly so! These are women who are NOT a part of the bald fetish fringe group and do not wish to be exploited or used to fulfill some strange sexual fantasy of a man who can’t seem to get it up without the assistance of looking at a bald woman. This of course adds to the excitement for the bald fetishist because “they’re advances and compliments aren’t welcome” by the Alopecian woman and this in turn adds to the appeal.

I have had a very good experience being an Alopecian woman, and while there have been some fetishists that have contacted me online, for the most part they have been far and few between. I don’t feel every man that thinks I’m sexy or beautiful is under suspicion of being a fetishist. I accept the compliment and allow my beauty to be acknowledged.

If you are a bald fetishist (male or female or both), leave a comment and let me know what the appeal is for you.

If you are an Alopecian what are your feelings about bald fetishists?

If you are neither but have a ready opinion…tell me what you think!

Bald Beauty of the Day

My Art Therapy

On February 2nd I wrote a post titled “I Miss My Husband” and a comment was left for me that struck a cord. Here is the comment:

I Miss My Husband

I feel I am at a loss these days. Being without Dom is becoming increasingly difficult and I find myself becoming depressed. I feel overwhelmed by all that I need to do here in our new home and I feel that he is missing out on so much because he needs to stay on the east coast for work. I miss him more each day, and even though we talk a few times a day by phone, it just isn’t the same as having him here to hold.

I was thinking of how much he means to me and while it helps me to get through the day, the reality of the situation sucks! As I write this, Simmi is whining in the crib with the most annoying cry I have ever heard. She is annoyed that I had to switch her to a different kind of bottle that doesn’t leak all over the place. All I can think in this moment is that I feel the exact same way as her. I just want to whine about the fact that Dom isn’t here and that there is nothing that can replace him. I miss the way he makes coffee in the morning for me and brings it to me all bright eyed and full of excitement to tell me about the day ahead. I miss after he leaves for work and going into the kitchen and seeing the huge mess he left behind of coffee grinds half spilled in the garbage can, the sugar spilled onto the counter, him filling up the cup too much and as he would stir everything together, it spilling all over the counter. Why do I love that? Sure he could have cleaned it up immediately, but he had more pressing things on his mind like being with me every moment he could before going off to work. I miss the way he used to blow up the kitchen creating fantastic meals for all of us and I loved watching him work his magic preparing gourmet meals or absolute flop meals. I smile thinking about how once he made Nacho Supreme for us and when he realized that there was no sour cream he improvised and used blue cheese. I know, I know, eeww! Blue cheese on nachos? Oh believe me it was horrible, but I loved the fact that he prepared that meal. I smile just thinking of how every one’s face looked when he said that he put blue cheese in the nachos. Then I laugh, then I tear up.

I love his deep voice and how he always tells me that he loves me softly in my ear or chases me around the house because “he just has to have me.” Most of all I miss his presence here and the joy he brings to not only me but also to the children. When he calls, they can’t wait to talk to him and tell them about their day or what has been going on in school. He talks to them everyday and it saddens me even more that he isn’t here to talk with them in person or work on some project together.

Being as resourceful as I am, and having the skills to complete the work that has to be done in the house alone, I find myself sinking into some despair. Sure I can paint, repair the heating system, change fixtures in the bathroom and kitchen, refinish the kitchen cabinets, switch out electrical sockets and light switches, install new light fixtures, put down new flooring, design what I want for the interior, repair holes in walls, mud, tape and finish walls…but it’s just not the same as having him here to share that with. Yes I can do ALL those things alone, but I love working with him and getting it done together. He is not only my husband and lover, but also my playmate!

I have tried to look on the bright side, and I have tried to convince myself that it will only be a little longer, but the reality creeps in and causes me to recoil and feel alone. Every time I go to do something, I think of how much he would love doing that thing with me. I love how messy he gets when he works and when he leaves stuff all over the place. He does great at painting a room and the finished product is awesome, but I always smile at the tracks left behind on the floor from splattered paint, stepping in it and tracking it around the room. Those are the small things that can get under other peoples skin perhaps, but they are the little things that I find so endearing about him.

I don’t know how women do it when their husbands are in the military or work for months away from home. I know that the cares and worries of the day tend to make time go by faster (or sometimes agonizingly slower) and I even know that there are wives that don’t exactly miss that their husband or partner is away because they are so freaking annoying. It’s like a little mini-vacation for them. But this man of mine is priceless beyond compare and I hate being away from him!

Each day that goes by the loneliness creeps into him as well. I hope that he will be able to come out to visit us in the next few weeks and I look forward to the day he comes home for good.

For any women that has a husband or partner that is away for long periods of time, how do you deal with it? There are plenty of things that a person can do to fill the time and create a diversion of sorts, but at the end of the day the pain of being apart is still there. How do you get through it all?

Does Hair Make Us Women?

If we lose our hair do we lose the essence of what it is to be a woman? What exactly makes us female? Is it our hair and breasts or is there more? Does having a well defined rack make us more attractive and does gorgeous thick hair complete the package? It’s funny how for so long that’s what I thought. I believed my femininity was tied to my hair, and when I started losing that hair, I thought I was unfeminine, unattractive, undesirable and no longer bore the distinguishing features of a woman. It’s a dark place to dwell…because it changed me. We start to REALLY lose the essence of being a woman when we lose our humanity, our compassion, our mercy, our love and concern for others and love for ourselves. We forget who we are inside because we are so busy concentrating on our physical beauty. It can bring out the worst in us as we begin to envy every man, woman and child with a fuller and more healthy head of hair than ours. We look in the mirror for our beauty and it seems as though it is slipping away…but is it because of how our hair looks? Couldn’t it be that we don’t recognize ourselves anymore because we have forgotten what being feminine is really all about? Have I lost that winsome quality that others find so appealing? Have I lost that glimmer of excitement and zest for life that my children have always loved about me and my husband always thought was such a turn on? Am I no longer concerned about the feelings and needs of those around me because I think my beauty has faded and I no longer consider another person’s worth because I myself feel worthless?

What if in the quest for the perfect head of hair, I erase the essence of myself until all that is left is darkness where my eyes used to dwell and all distinguishable remnants of my personality are gone, forever replaced by a stark shadow of what I used to be? Shall I dwell on what was, what I looked like and how I used to be, or will I begin to reassess my life, and breathe new life into my being? What does it truly mean to be feminine? I found it interesting when I looked up the word “feminine” in the online dictionary, that I couldn’t find a single definition with hair as a governing factor (or even mentioned) of what it means to be feminine.

Femininity comes from within and it springs forth softening the world around us. So if we shave our heads do we become less feminine? Do we begin to look more like a man? I don’t believe we do, yet that is exactly what most women fear when they know they are going bald. I know I thought that way! I thought I would look ridiculous, unfeminine and maybe a little androgynous. But no matter how you slice it, we are women and can not look like a man if we tried!

An Alopecian woman can and does break the mold of what the world often perceives as flawless beauty and femininity. In the modeling world, where icons of beauty are made, it is the woman with a distinct unique “flaw” that actually makes her more beautiful. Whether it is a large nose, huge mole, outrageous lips, slightly crooked teeth or strangely provocative eyes, it’s these outward characteristics that can draw others in…and it is the same for the Alopecian woman. Her outward beauty is just the doorway…enter into her world, and she will give you a glimpse of wild beauty, seductive allure, brilliant wit, an open heart and she will love you like no one has ever loved you before. Not because she is desperate, but because of her strength. She is a treasure beyond compare, and she will keep you coming back for more. Her heart is tender, and her arms are always open. This is flawless beauty and femininity and it is the perfection of an Alopecian woman.

How Long Will This Go On?

When women first start to notice that they are losing their hair, they feel an overwhelming rush of fear come over them. There are so many questions that unfortunately remain unanswered while in pursuit of finding the root cause of our hair loss. We can become overwhelmed, isolated, withdrawn and completely undone as we begin to watch our hair fall on the floor, on our clothing, caught in the shower drain and stuck in the hair brush. We dread taking a shower because of the massive amount of hair that seems to shed following a shower or a bath. What used to be a pleasurable and relaxing experience turns to anxiety and fear and the horrid anticipation of the next massive shed. Our lives can come undone as we begin to think we are petty and vain for caring about how our hair is missing. We hear comments from those around us (and even from ourselves at times) stating, “It’s only hair!” but it is so much more than that. If it wasn’t such a big deal to lose our hair, then why all the commercials and advertisements for hair care products? Hair is beautiful, and it is a part of who we are physically, so when it departs from us, it can leave us feeling unattractive, depressed, fearful of intimacy, and obsessed about finding out how to get it back. When I became a member of The Woman’s Hair Loss Project Network, one of the questions most frequently asked by others was “How long will this go on? How long will I continue to lose my hair and what can I do to get it back?” When new women join our community which I lovingly refer to as “The Great Sisterhood,” they are first struck by the amount of support and tenderness from our many members. Each woman has her own hair loss story, but in the end, regardless of how much or how little hair you have lost the emotional toll and feelings are always the same.

We are all growing and changing…each and everyday. I never knew that I could have good female friends and have them love and care about me. It moves us into a better place. Each woman on the Network is my teacher and for that I am so grateful. I cherish each one and love to watch them grow and step out of the shadows of their pain and aguish.
Hairloss may have brought us together, but what we learn along the way is that there has been a part of us that was empty….a longing unmet that is filled to over flowing because we reach out to others and we also reach in to ourselves. We cry tears of pain and aguish, but over time, those tears turn into joyful tears of appreciation and amazement…because we are seen, cherished, loved and respected right where we are. For the first time in our lives, we don’t have to put up a front or perform….we are just free to be who we are inside.

The Women’s Hair Loss Project Network becomes the catalyst to rediscovering who we are as we reflect on other women’s thoughts and emotions poured out all over their blogs and in their comments. We see so clearly that we have so much more than hair loss in common with them and it brings a sense of balance and peace to our hearts and lives. It moves us in a new direction that reaches out to those who are hurting because we have been there and it gives those in the throws of panic and despair hope for renewed strength.

Other members of the Network understand when new members say ”I’m not as strong as you, and I know I will never be that strong”, because we were there in that place once. New ladies that sign up feel hopeless and lost, and we whisper softly and tenderly to them helping to restore their lost dignity, self confidence and self worth. We are so much more than our hair and being among these ladies teaches us that on such a profound level.

When we become more confident and gather more self worth in our being, we sit in amazement and wonder what changed? How is it that we became so very different from the first day we joined? The answer is that we dug down deep into our souls and we mustered up new strength we never knew we had, and while we were digging we saw all the faces of those who were just like us. We realize we aren’t crazy, we aren’t neurotic, and we aren’t worthless…we realize our own humanity and we cry with tears of joy that we are understood.

It is truly a beautiful thing to behold, and yet we are not impervious to falling into the mire again. We find that even though we may wallow for a time in the mire because it is a strange and old familiar feeling, our time in that place becomes less and less. Our strength also gives us the ability to step into the mire of another woman and yet not be sullied by its effects. We sit with her there and listen to her story. Sometimes we sit in silence and other times we speak tenderly and compassionately to her, all the while, reflecting on our own journey when we felt the same exact way.

We are a sisterhood of hope and change…of life and love…and of courage and strength.

To Shave or Not to Shave

Hair Loss Doesn’t Have to Hold Us Down!

So, what do you do when you begin to lose your hair? What happens when it starts to get so thin that it is not only noticeable to you but also to those around you? If we are feeling emotionally vulnerable because we feel ashamed of our hair loss, we can go into panic mode and just cover it up with a hat or scarf…but is that enough for you? Will that help you to move forward with your life despite losing your hair?

There are far more options available to us than ten or twenty years ago, and there is no reason for us to stay in panic mode for too long. With beautiful hats, scarves, wigs, hair systems, accessories and clothing, you can kick it up a notch and remake yourself. What kind of hair have you always wanted to have? What color? What style? We all do it…you know…wish we had someone else’s hair! When we have straight hair, we wish it was curly or wavy, when we have curly hair we wish we had straight hair. Blonde’s want to take a bash at being a brunette and brunettes would love to walk just one day in the shoes of a blond! Red heads usually love their hair, but then again EVERYONE LOVES THE WAY RED HAIR LOOKS! LOL

If you could remake yourself right now, what would you do? What would you wear? We spend so much time worried about what we can’t control, that we neglect and refuse to fix what we can control. We can get a chic new wig, wear some very stylish hats, buy new make up and accessories and become a diva if we choose to.

There is no reason for hair loss to hold us down. We can worry about our hair at home, but while we are out and about, we can look fabulous! The choice is ours and as Alopecians we have the right to not only change the way we look from one day to the next, we also have ability to blend in to our community or stand out.