A Random Soundoff

June 26, 2010 by Angela
Filed under Acceptance, Featured, Lifestyle, My Rant

There are times in a person’s life when sounding off becomes a vital part of their emotional health. Its good to voice opinion, speak our minds and find a way to be heard. I haven’t taken advantage of that in the last seven or eight months since my life has changed in so many ways. I’ve been pretty silent and kept many things to myself. I’ve done quite a bit of introspection, been through a mini-hellish health crisis, and I have a lot on my mind concerning the world, my family and life in general. Where do I begin when I have been away from my blog for so long? My last entry was in April February on this particular blog. I have posted on some of my other blogs, but this one has definitely suffered…and I apologize.

I see such a restlessness in others and I often wonder why they can’t sit still. By “others” I just mean people that I may see out on the street, in a blog or in the news. (This restlessness I see has nothing to do with those whom I may be intimately involved, like my children, husband or close friends.) It’s like these people are so tightly bound inside that they can’t be free enough to just be still. To sit and appreciate their lives or those around them. It’s a restless malice and a need to blame everyone around them. There is a lack of contentment that causes them to want more and more from others. Whether its material goods, even though they have more than enough, or emotional demands that leave others feeling less than perfect. Why is there such ugliness and malcontent? So much anger covered over with a smile and a wicked deed made to look innocent and pure? Most don’t even know why they do it, but its like a drug for which they are hopelessly addicted. Malcontent. Anger. Deception. Placing blame on others. “My life is so horrible because so and so hurt me and I can’t get over it.” Let me tell you a little bit about that statement made by people the world over. Even I have fallen victim to such thoughts and actions in the past, and what I’ve learned is that such statements are merely an excuse for bad behavior and a lack of accountability. If a person would like to blame their hangups on past hurts, and then direct misplaced anger on an innocent person, all they need to say is “I can’t help it, I was hurt in the past and I have a hard time trusting others now.” What a crock of bullshit! Anytime such a statement is made they are not only lying to themselves but to everyone around them. They will also say “I can’t forgive so and so for what they did to me.” Really? You can’t forgive? You want to be forgiven if another was offended by something you did, but you can’t forgive? No…that’s the diving board from which a person takes a plunge off into the deep end of bad behavior and treating others like shit. “I can’t forgive someone who hurt me ten years ago, so I’m going to treat this totally new person in my life like shit because of it.” That makes no sense at all. It is nothing more than a way to excuse and justify your bad form.

It should be so crystal clear that such people who think they can get off the hook by stating “I can’t help being this way because I’ve been so hurt in the past” that these people are toxic human beings, incapable of true love or compassion. Narcissistic people are never truly concerned about those around them, just how everything is going to affect them personally. Even upon reading this blog entry, I’m sure that there will be those who do think and act with malcontent who will actually believe that I have written this with them in mind. Like it is a personal attack. Nope…not at all, I’m just here to say that its not so hidden and you can’t get off the hook so easily when it comes to your behavior.

These malcontents are not victims, but perpetrators who cannot seem to break the cycle of hurting others. Even though they know what it’s like to be hurt, they continue to hurt others ruthlessly. It’s an underhanded sneaky kind of ruthlessness usually covered over with some “good deed.” Why not just be forthrightly cruel so the real victim can make a choice as to whether they want to continue to be in relationship? The reason is, if a person can be underhanded and cover their tracks, when another figures out what they are doing, that perpetrator can say “how can you say such things after all I’ve done for you! What’s wrong with you? You are ungrateful, mean, and all I’m trying to do is love you.” Yeah, that sounds like love right?

So what’s the M.O. of these people? Their reputation is above all the most important thing. They need to look some what important yet act like they don’t care what others think. They are often involved in philanthropy of some sort, but will not truly give to their own families. They are kinder to strangers and those in need rather than those around them. They are always on the go, always moving around and looking like they are so busy. They make statements like “I don’t do anything for approval” or “I just want to reach out and help all the little children in the world” while not attending to their own children. Status is important, and acquiring things is extremely important. These people not only collect “things” but also other people. They look generous but they are very greedy. Nothing is ever given as a real gift, but has an emotional payment attached. They will use the word “misunderstanding” a lot, and nit pick at other people’s tiny imperfections.

How does a perpetrator free him or herself from the bonds of such sadistic behavior? They must forgive others and themselves. Forgiveness actually has nothing to do with letting the offending person off the hook. It is about freeing yourself from need to hate, to be angry, to be hurt and lead an unproductive life. Life is so precious, and shouldn’t be consumed with an unforgiving nature. Being unforgiving ages a person beyond their years, and it takes its toll on everyone around them. Forgiveness is freedom in disguise and it is the secret to contentment and enjoyment of others around us.

Some believe that they can’t forgive. What happened to them in the past was so horrible that forgiveness is not an option. Forgiveness is the only option if you ever want to find true peace, love, contentment and happiness.

Give forgiveness a chance.

Tags: anger, blaming others, contentment, forgiveness, freedom, happiness, malcontent, peace

The Long Recovery Road

February 16, 2010 by Angela
Filed under Family Life, Featured, Lifestyle

2 Comments

I’m starting to feel like my “old self” again instead of just feeling old! Since the end of October and into November 09′ I started to feel really run down. I was forgetting things easier, my mind was clouded and I could only do one thing mentally at a time. Being a multi-tasker online, I found it increasingly difficult to have more than one tab open and I would start to get flustered really easily. My heart would race in anxiety and depression soon set in. This was no ordinary depression where I would feel down on myself…no, this was an all out emotional assault inwardly. I would look in the mirror and see this old and very very bloated woman, “Who are you?” I would say to myself. Things got increasingly worse as I would feel my lungs crackle and holler. The looming fear was that I would get pneumonia again. Having almost lost my life to pneumonia more than once, my husband would lay anxious at night hearing my lungs from his side of the bed. Thoughts of me in intensive care, hooked up to a bi-pap machine and tubes coming out of me caused fear to set in. We only needed to wait a few more weeks until our insurance kicked in and I could get my five year pneumonia shot (I was due!) and onto the proper medication and steriods. I was holding up ok, dealing with the crackling lungs and wheezing day and night when on Christmas Eve I took a turn for the worse. I could no longer stand up, I was weak and dizzy and my cough was getting worse. I pretty much ruined Christmas for everyone as I laid in bed through most of that following week. I got into urgent care where a one armed doctor refused to do a chest film and just prescribed Advair, Prednisone and Abuterol. My insurance had just kicked in and we were able to fill the prescriptions. I told him that I needed a pneumonia shot and antibiotics since I do know what pneumonia is like, but he wouldn’t prescribe it.

Not getting any better on the steriods, I saw my primary physician and he listened to my lungs. “Yup, you have pneumonia” he said, and he prescribed me the proper antibiotics as well as more Advair and also Singulair. During that time he also ran some blood work on me, and my thyroid came back low.

Since then, the antibiotics have done there job, and the medication I’m on for hypothyroid is really helping to get me back on track. I don’t feel like an old woman any more, and I feel my brain starting to function as it used to. I’m a little more sharp, a little more sassy and I look forward to the day when everything goes back to normal for me. I know recovering from pneumonia takes a while, but so does having a hypothyroid. I’m taking it day by day and moment by moment. The best part of it all is that the depression is totally gone. I beat myself up for a while there wondering why I couldn’t snap out of the funk I was in. I was never the type of person to become depressed or beat myself up emotionally. I’m glad those chains have been broken, and that the little butterfly gland known as my thyroid is starting to get the help it needs!

Bald Beauty of the Day

Tags: depression, feeling old, hypothyroid, pneumonia

The Sensitive Souls Network

December 17, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Featured, Lifestyle

I Lost My Groove

October 24, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Featured, Lifestyle

4 Comments

I have serious writer’s block! I’m not sure how to remedy the situation and I can’t seem to get my groove back. What the hell is going on? I have always had something to say about everything…but these days, my mind is blank. My last entry was on August 30th but it feels as though I just wrote that article a week ago. Where has the time gone and why is my brain so stagnate? You know what?? I have no idea of what is even going on in the world right now!

I’ve asked some friends to give me some ideas for new articles and I have a few leads on things I’d like to write about, but I need MORE! I need new life breathed into my half dead brain. Give me your suggestions! What would you like to read about? Something funny? Controversial? Sad? Politics? I need some inspiration! In my long absence from the blogging world I came to find out that one of my favorite bloggers is no longer around! Is it something in the water? Where the hell did you go John Savo?

Next month will be my one year anniversary of having a blog, and I don’t want this entry to be the only one available to read! How pathetic.

Tags: bloggers, fresh ideas, new content, writers block

Craigslist Drama and Other Fun Stuff

August 30, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Featured, Lifestyle

Couple looking for a well hung atheltic male - mw4m - 40 (Albuquerque)

Date: 2009-08-30, 9:06AM MDT

We are a professional, family oriented couple looking to bring that ONE male into our life for friendship and more. We have a family so discretion is a huge must. He must be in good shape, well hung, good looking, respectful, non pushy/cocky, and disease free. We are looking for friendship first and then bedroom fun. He must be able to carry conversation and laughs before the bedroom. We prefer he be age 21-40, hygiene clean, good shape, and well hung (8″+). Not looking for over weight males. We are very real and a fun couple to know. We dont mind if your married. If interestd, please send and email telling us about you and what your looking for in a couple. Please no one liners with no sense rude comments. Also attach a full body and face pic and we will return. No pics…. the email will be deleted. We are very real and you be too.

Location: Albuquerque
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1349795995

To close this article, I thought it would be appropriate to choose music that captured the essence that truly is “Craigslist” :

Weird Al Yankovic made a new video which was disabled for embedding! The video really sums it all up, so here is the link-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZqciuoiikw

Tags: Craigslist drama, personals

What Does it Take to Make Things Better

August 6, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Family Life, Featured, Lifestyle

5 Comments

What lengths would you go to make your child’s life more comfortable? How about a child with a wide range of problems? Not just one thing like a food allergy or multiple food allergies, but walking problems, developmental issues, their speech is missing or even the ability to tell us simply what she needs, and now on top of that discovering vision problems? How far do you adjust your life and home to help that child learn and function as normal as possible?

Sometimes I am so completely drained I feel empty inside. Dom and I are worked to the bone trying to trouble shoot and make things more suitable here, but it just seems like an endless cycle of “lets add one more problem to the laundry list of issues we already deal with concerning Simmi.” Just as we’re adjusting and finding creative ways around the food issue, and finally getting the floors down in the house, up pops a problem that may be a link to some of the developmental problems she has been having. We’re detectives trying to find the missing puzzle piece of Simmi’s developmental delays. Knowing that she already has this long list of problems, we are wondering if vision problems are contributing to more of her issues. Is it possible?

She has low muscle tone and has had this for a long time. The physical therapist attributes her walking problems with having low muscle tone and Simmi is trying to compensate for this problem by developing a new gait. She also feels that it is the contributing factor of not wanting to get up and walk around or run. But how about when she goes outside and refuses to walk? Is that low muscle tone or is it her vision? These are the types of questions swimming around in our brains constantly. If we go out during the day and it’s very sunny out, she becomes agitated, upset and sometimes gets scared or wants to be held. Why? We know from experience that she does better in low light settings and she is wonderful in the evening hours…calm, peaceful and amiable. During the day, its a different story! As long as the house isn’t flooded with lots of light she does pretty well, but she is often irritable and at times even irrational. She doesn’t really nap anymore during the day which is making things even more hectic. She gets up during the night more than ever as well. So, if bright sunlight is somehow blocking her ability to see, how do we remedy the situation? Blinds and curtains work wonders, and controlling the light that is in the house seems to help as well. But is that enough? What if the light and her vision is preventing her from learning? What if her central vision doesn’t work properly and that’s why she tends to look out of the corner of her eyes? She cocks her head in weird positions, not all the time but enough to see that there is something more to all of this. I have been doing some research here and there when we have a moment, to find out more about Cortical Visual Impairment (CVI) and one thing that I have found is that it is possible for children to regain more of their sight with the proper therapies. How much therapy does this child need? Yes, we can have a therapist here every day of the week for different things, but the therapy should continue even after the therapist leaves. This is where we take over. I need to take the lead with all of this, because the therapists in their field of work come for one hour per week each. Discovering this new problem with her vision helps us to focus in on techniques and approaches that will be more suitable to her therapy. At first glance, when a therapist is here, we might think that she has a VERY limited attention span. Is it her attention that is the problem, or is it the fact that she may not see very clearly what is being presented to her? She responds much better to bright bold colors, moving objects and shiny things. These are the types of things that will need to be incorporated into her therapy and into everyday life. But what does that mean for us as a family? There is no way I’m putting a disco ball up in the dining room, or streamers all over the house that glimmer and shine! There needs to be a “tasteful” way of incorporating shiny objects and special lighting into our home and the house look NORMAL! I’m learning about the properties and principles of multi-sensory therapy and taking those principles and looking for a functional design for our house.

In Simmi’s room we purchased some very cheap shiny stars to hang from her ceiling. What we discovered is that if objects and things seem effortless for her to focus on, she becomes less fatigued. The hanging stars in her room provide movement when there is air flow in the room through the central air/heating system, and when we carry her into her room to put her to bed or take her out of bed, it provides an opportunity to develop her eye-hand coordination because she always wants to touch them or hit them to make them swing or move. The more effortless it is for her to focus and see, (in my opinion) the more it strengthens her vision. It’s such a simple thing and yet she consistently is interested in reaching out for them and with that beautiful wonderment that children seem to have, says “WOW!” every time she enters the room…without fail.

Having a child with undiagnosed problems can be difficult. But it doesn’t have to be. We know our children better than any doctor or therapist, understanding what works and what doesn’t, and its important that we realize that their development is in our hands….not the doctor or therapists. A diagnosis would be nice for her, but what then? She doesn’t have any major organs affected that need to be assisted with the use of medication, so all I can do is trouble shoot and find the right combinations of things that can work for her. Getting to that point is the hard part. It means constantly watching and evaluating her. Its almost a clinical approach to parenting, yet maintaining the close relationship and trust that it takes to move her to the next level in her development. It means never giving up hope and always striving for the very best we can offer her.

We noticed that she looks uninterested in learning things, but is she uninterested or trying to get a better glimpse of what we are showing her by turning her head to the side? She seems to look away, but is she looking away or looking peripherally? She picks up things without looking at them, or is she just looking out of the corner of her eyes this whole time and we never noticed? Yesterday as we were walking out of my room, she walked full force into the molding on our door. She didn’t fall into the door jam, she just walked, thinking that she had clearance. She seems to have a high tolerance for pain, because she didn’t cry afterwards…she just sat on the floor and started to crawl instead. The worst part of all this is that it happens when you least expect it. Not realizing or even noticing these issues in the past makes me wonder if the reason she gets so confused is because she actually can’t see something. She’ll put her hand out and grunt for something, we’ll take her over to that object so she can have it and she will say no and get upset. Is she confused about what she wants? It seems like she can’t make up her mind! It can be very frustrating for us, but I now wonder if her reaching out and grunting is her way of saying “I can’t see this or that.”

We will be creating a Snoezelen room for her in her bedroom. Here is a picture of what we are aiming for when designing her room:

While Snoezelen rooms and equipment are extremely expensive, we can create a room like this with a little creativity. Did you notice the disco ball? Remember earlier I mentioned NOT having a disco ball in our dining room? Simmi is very attracted to arrays of light, prisms, movement, smell and sound, so to incorporate these types of things into the rest of our home (without making every room look like a Snoezelen room) we have decided to go with crystal chandeliers, mirrors and things that draw her eye to where we want her to go at different times during the day. It becomes a way of helping her focus and concentrate effortlessly.

Our bedroom, the dining room and living room are other areas that she is in often. I do deep pressure massages on her after her bath time and that happens on our bed. We have designed our room (although it is in the planning stages right now) to include a crystal chandelier over the bed, lots of mirrors, textures and patterns throughout. How do you have crystal prisms on nightstands and dressers, crystal lamps and vases, flowers and pictures WITHOUT a toddler grabbing them and braking them, potentially hurting themselves? In my design world, I will be mounting these objects to old furniture. The textiles I’ll be using are cut work velvets, silks and satins and furs, providing an endless source of things to touch and experience. Mounting objects to the furniture allows for her to touch the object without possible damage and it becomes the focal point that draws her eye to what ever object I want her to touch or experience in that moment. The design I came up with for our bedroom is not my style at all! Dom and I had planned for a very streamlined more modern and clean look, very minimalistic. That plan went right out the door one morning after discovering that Simmi has vision problems. I realized I was going to have to go for an elegant shabby chic. I put my foot down though when it comes to lots of flower patterns! Not just that, but keeping things simple in terms of patterns is important for Simmi. I’m being stretched and pulled out of the comfort of my design world and into something that in the end will look absolutely beautiful, but totally not my style. The picture on the right is similar to a look I’ll be aiming for. Much more texture, but the intention is to include shiny objects coupled with lots of white. She does well with white in low lighting because it doesn’t fatigue her…everything kind of blends allowing for a more relaxed experience. Our room already has mirrored bi-fold closet doors, which at first we were going to get rid of, but now see the value of having them. Playing with the mirrored concept and use of crystal prisms can actually bring a large amount of sophistication to our room and at the same time be a constant source of therapy for Simmi.

So what can I say? How far do I go to make her life and ours more pleasant and relaxed? Is it worth the effort? Absolutely! I’m tired of waiting for that next opportunity with a therapist, or needing to bring out the objects for her to utilize. I want her to be strengthened each day effortlessly so we can get to the real business at hand…being normal.

How much does it cost to do all this stuff? A lot and nothing at all. If I were to purchase everything new, there would be no way I could afford it all. We have already collected a few items for free off of Freecycle, and I’m always amazed at what some people just get rid of. Usually it doesn’t fit their decor anymore, or its something that was passed down that has been just sitting in their garage. I can actually make the mirrored night stands if I want that look, and as far as bedding goes, I plan on creating my own with Dupioni silks, taffeta, velvets and other textiles. Where will I get these types of fabrics? On sale at Joann fabric or if someone happens to be giving away an old wedding gown. I’ve been on the look out for lots of wedding gowns. When no money is available, everything takes time to acquire. Some times things come in quickly, and at other times it seems like eternity waiting for that special little object. We already have an antique chandelier that someone was getting rid of, and I’m in the process of restoring it to its former beauty so we can hang it as soon as our bedroom is painted.

For anyone willing to go the extra million miles to make their child’s life better (and ours too), I highly recommend trouble shooting how your child responds to their environment. Is the child agitated during the day or evening? Does it make life almost unbearable because you can’t figure out what the hell is wrong with them and you are pulling your hair out because you’ve tried everything? Experiment! Try turning the lights down, or making it brighter. See if background noise like the refrigerator or washing machine aggravates the situation. There is background noise that we become used to but to a child with sensory problems, that sound may drive them crazy and they don’t even realize it. How about if more than one person is talking in a room? Does it drive them bananas and make them lash out? If the light or even background noise is too much for Simmi she begins to take a swipe at us. She will hit and kick, start pulling at her hair and maybe even just start screaming. The hair pulling we have been dealing with for a long time, and we knew it seemed to come in cycles, but now we notice that light and sound have something to do with her hair pulling. Its amazing when we’re willing to watch intently, we see a host of very fixable problems that can help her be more at ease. Being at ease means being more receptive to learning. I’m even considering wearing bright red lipstick during the day if it will help her focus on my mouth when I speak. Children learn to form words by watching others speak, but what happens if they don’t see your mouth clearly or how you form your words? How do they learn? I’m not a lipstick girl, but I’m willing to try it!

It has been quite the adventure, taxing for sure, but well worth the effort. Yesterday we had an Occupational therapist and Simmi’s service coordinator here, and I was thrilled that this particular OT will be helping in creating a plan for Simmi’s sensory issues. At one point during the session, as we were discussing Simmi’s vision, Simmi was able to comprehend what we were talking about and actually put her two cents in concerning her vision. I got a little teary eyed when I saw Simmi standing in front of her service coordinator and while covering one eye, kept looking at him and saying “see, see” and pointing. Then she would cover the other eye and say “see, see”. She understood what we were talking about and was babbling on about something concerning seeing. It was clear as crystal that she was explaining something, and she was so happy that we were catching on. At least that is how I interpret yesterday’s events. The language barrier is still there, but I feel she had her own personal break through yesterday. She understands far more than she can indicate and I am excited to give her the proper tools to make her world more vibrant, clear and comfortable.

Tags: cortical visual impairment, multi sensory therapy, speech disorder

My Shoshannah Turned 14 Today!

July 15, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Family Life, Featured, Lifestyle

1 Comment

Ahhh, once again its time to honor another child-o-mine. On the left is my soft, sweet smelling little girl flippin the bird in the hospital. Today is all about Shoshanna Danae! We all call her Shoshie for short, but from the time she was three years old, she decided that her name wasn’t Shoshannah…instead she called herself Gerty. I’m not sure where she heard the name, and the only Gerty I can recall is Drew Barrymore’s character in E.T. Shoshie never saw E.T. when she was little so we just don’t know how she came to be so fond of that name.

The first time I heard her call herself Gerty was in a church. I think we were going in to vote or something like that, and a bunch of very old ladies were sitting there asking Shoshie her name. Now, Shoshie was a thumb sucker, hard core, and the only time she took that thing out of her mouth was to say a few words and back in went the thumb. So the ladies say “Awww, what’s your name?” Shoshie takes her thumb out of her mouth for a second and says “Gerty,” and it stuck. She just loved that name. When she was around 10 years old, she got a turtle from her dad and guess what she named the turtle? Yup…Gerty.

Shoshie was my little shadow. She was extremely easy to care for, adorable, compact and we could take her anywhere with no fuss. She was content with her blankie and her thumb in her mouth and that was all she wanted or needed. When she was an infant we could hand her off to anyone and she was happy as a clam to be held and cuddled. She would just coo and ahh and constantly stick her little tongue out, but by the time she was about 9 months old her social and happy disposition with others was quickly replaced by terror. It seemed as if in a single moment she went from “happy-go-lucky” to horrified if anyone so much as looked at her. She would hold onto us tight and turn her head so she couldn’t look into other peoples’ eyes. Once she warmed up though, she was fine. From that point on, being social was completely on her own terms. As I said just a short while earlier, she was my little shadow. No matter where I would go in the house, I could always count on Shoshie to be right behind me or at my side. She wouldn’t say a peep…she’d just follow me around and silently try to assist me in whatever I was doing. I could take her shopping with me, talk on the phone, take care of anything I was working on and there she was just happy to sit next to me. Of course it wasn’t every second of every day, because she had her “partner in crime” Noah to do things with. I remember this one time I had to go to Costco for some things, Shoshie couldn’t have been more than three years old at the time, and while we were standing at the checkout line, a man in the next row over taps me on the shoulder and says “I think you should turn around.” I turned around and there was Shoshie with all her clothes off, just standing there with her thumb in her mouth. It was the cutest thing ever! But that is how she was and still is. (well, not the stripping down part) She just has a strong and silent way about her, and when she has made up her mind to do something after much thought, she just does it.

Shoshie is extremely kind, loving and caring. She is a musician and plays the cello, can fool around on the guitar, is great with percussion and loves to sing. She’s a girlie-girl too. Loyalty comes to mind when I think of her. I’m very proud of who she is becoming. This past spring while she was away to visit her dad, she made the decision to live with him and his fiance. I have always felt that my children should be able to choose where they would like to live, but even after conveying that message to them, she still had a hard time telling me that she wanted to live with them. Regardless of my own personal feelings about her being so far away from me, I want her to know that I respect her and admire her for stepping out and choosing something for herself. The most difficult thing about not having her here anymore is that I will miss her presence. She has such a uniquely gorgeous soul. I loved our talks and asking strange and obscure questions just to get her to think. I love when she would ask me questions about “girl things” and how fascinated she was by “the way things are.” Of course I’m being cryptic, but what did you expect? I can tell the whole world what it is that Shoshie and I talk about. She is a beautiful jewel…a treasure!

My Shoshie Girl,

I can’t believe you are 14 years old now! I remember when you and Noah would sit in the back of the mini van and you would look at Noah and say “PIMP!” and he would just kackle and laugh. You would put your thumb in your mouth, pull it out and say “PIMP!” and he would laugh even harder. I don’t know where you heard that word, but you both thought it was the funniest thing on earth. I remember when we would ask you “When are you going to stop sucking your thumb?” and you would say “On Tuesday” in that sweet soft voice of yours. I have so many beautiful memories of you my girl and it has been a blessing to be your mother. Thank you for being such a great daughter, filled with love, joy, friendship, life and optimism. You are truly beautiful through and through. I love you Shoshie girl…Happy Birthday!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tags: Shoshannahs Birthday

My Hannah Bear Turns 19!

June 24, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Family Life, Featured, Lifestyle

My Father, My Hero

June 21, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Family Life, Featured, Lifestyle, Men

2 Comments

This Father’s Day I wanted to celebrate my dad by sharing some of him with all of you. My father has always been an extraordinary man with a passion for his family. My sister and I lived with my mother until I was nine and my sister was seven. My dad wanted to make a life for us with my mother, but for reasons I’d rather not say, they were divorced when I was two years old. His dream was always to be near us, and it broke his heart that he lived on the east coast and my sister and I lived on the west coast. Back then custody was always awarded to the mother, leaving my father with very few options. He would faithfully send us gifts and money to help care for us, and being the type of person that my mother was, that money was always spent on drugs and the gifts were brought to the store unopened for money. My father would come out to see my sister and I every year in the summer and take me to Disney Land, Knox Berry Farms, the Zoo, Universal Studios, the movies and lots of other places. By the time I was six years old, I wanted to live with my dad in NJ and my mother let me go there for a visit. This is how messed up my mother was…she brought me to the airport when I was six years old, took me to one of the coffee shops there and gave me some money. She told me which door I was supposed to go through to get on the plane and left me there. Can you imagine a mother doing such a thing? She told the cashier what time my flight was at and to remind me when I was supposed to get on the plane. I boarded what seemed like a HUGE plane, and as I recall that time in my life, I remember how much tolerance the people had for me. I ran up and down the isle of that plane for most of the flight, skipping and singing. After arriving safely and NOT being kidnapped by some weirdo, I stayed with my dad for a while. I don’t remember how long it was, but I knew that I wanted to live with him for good. He would make up crazy songs to sing to me at night as he played guitar or show off his mad flute skills. I got to eat real food, go places and I felt very secure being with him. My life in California was a nightmare. I had a step-father who beat my mother and me regularly, and being out of that environment made me feel like there was hope for not living in fear. I was returned home and it would be another three years until my father found a way to take my sister and I away from that life. When I was nine, he made the decision to take my sister and I. Calling my mother he said he wanted them for a little vacation (in February) but once we got here, he told us we were staying and not going back. He built a case for keeping us out there and won on the basis that my mother was unfit.

By taking us away from that life in California he became our hero. He gave my sister and I a stable life, food, clothing, a nice place to live and we actually went to school. He not only was a musician, but also an artist. He taught me how to draw and he would enter my work into contests. He loved putting his work into art shows and would enter my work into the junior division. His life long commitment to my sister and I continues to this day. He started writing a number of years ago and has published two books, with a third book going into print as well as being available as an e-book. I created a website for him to be able to sell his books. So what are his books about? Hmm…you have to go to his website to read about them! Just kidding, I’ll give you the synopsis of each of his books and if it gets you a little curious, head over to his site and get a book (or two) downloaded:

Synopsis: Sixteenth Century Nicholas Kristo is commissioned to show the spirit of selfless giving to a world immersed in political, theological and societal corruption. After being led to a gold mine by a messenger of God, Nicholas and best friend Ben set off to build a mountaintop Mission. There they’d use their great fortune to help the disabled of the world, creating prosthesis, wheelchairs and many other useful gifts that would impact the needy in their worldly struggles. No reindeer and elves as helpers in this story, rather Nicholas employs the unlovely, the unwanted and misfits to man his workshops.
When Ben’s family is unjustly accused of a crime by corrupt soldiers intent on seizing their land, Nicholas gives them refuge in the newly constructed Mission. While in pursuit of the family, Captain Andre Ficci and his wicked brother, Manuel, discover the fortune, using any means necessary to locate and seize the gold. The story reads like a novel-length fable.

(Click the book cover to read a sample picture)

Synopsis: When Franciscan Monk, Peto Cardinelli visits his twin brother, Paulo, in prison for stealing church relics he’d sold to feed the poor, he unexpectedly dies. Paulo seizes the moment to escape jail and switches clothes, determined to carry on his brother’s commission to escort deviant Archbishop Morlan Fadesti to Rome for his ordination as Cardinal.

After Paulo discovers the Archbishop is a pedophile, he secretly employs his actor friends to pose as Vatican officials and join him in an effort to stop the corrupt priest on the road to Rome. When the players are all in place, Paulo conspires with them to deceive the Archbishop into paying for his own imprisonment.

Although stopping a pedophile priest is serious business, Paulo’s extraordinary sense of humor, charm and wit fully carries the story weightlessly with smiles to the end. As Paulo feigns stupidity, and continually baits the Archbishop into doing the right things for the wrong reasons, the reader will discover the true genius of ‘The Crooked Stick’. (Click the book cover to read a sample chapter)

Synopsis

Forty-five-year old Christian artist, Arturo Cruz, is sent by archangel Nathaniel to purge the church of corrupt ministers wherever he finds them. Able to communicate with Nathaniel telepathically, Arturo teams up with love interest, Detective Sergeant Juliann Assanti. Together they set out on an international investigation neither of them are the slightest bit prepared for.

After exposing several local, corrupt ministers, Juliann reveals her burning desire to find her father’s murderer. When Arturo volunteers to help, it’s not long before the two find themselves probing an international drug ring, whose headquarters are located on board the famous mission ship, Christendom. Its leader; a psychotic minister bent on revenge against God and His ‘children’, eager to kill them by any means necessary.

(Click the book cover to read a sample chapter)

Nicholas Kristo and The Crooked Stick are both available for sale at my dad’s website. I haven’t written on my blog in a month (I know, bad girl) but a lot has been going on. Needless to say, we are really financially strapped and unfortunately I have no gift to give my dad this Father’s Day. What I would like to give him as a gift would be for EVERYONE reading this entry, to go over to his site, www.KoestlersNovels.com and purchase a copy of his books. Nicholas Kristo is available in print for $20.00 plus shipping and handling or on E-Book for $5.00. The Crooked Stick is available in print for $11.50 plus shipping and handling or on E-Book for $5.00 as well. Chasing Elmer Gantry is currently being formatted for both print and E-Book. To reserve your copy of Chasing Elmer Gantry, simply click here and you’ll be taken to his Contact Page where you can leave him a message. On an interesting note, “The Crooked Stick” was read by a screen writer of a prominent film production company (I can’t say which one…sorry) to be made into a movie. How cool is that?

Help me honor my dad this Father’s Day and buy one or both of his books. It would mean the world to me and would thrill him to no end. It is such a unique gift. Do it out of curiosity…to have a look into the mind and imagination of the one who helped bring me into this world.

Happy Father’s Day Dad, I love you!

Bald Beauty of the Day…My Dad!

Tags: Chasing Elmer Gantry, e-book, Father's Day, Fathers Day Gift, Koestlers Novels, Nicholas Kristo, novels, Rick Koestler, single father, The Crooked Stick

Forgive My Absence

May 21, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Family Life, Featured, Lifestyle, Ravishingly Raw

4 Comments

Please forgive such a long absence from my blog. Much has been going on in our lives and unfortunately my blog has had to take a backseat for a while. A few weeks ago my husband safely arrived here in New Mexico for good and I have been taking it all in! Its been great having him home. The past two weeks have been filled with much insecurity for Simmi and she is finally calming down. Anytime Dom would get up to do something she would freak out and start crying, thinking he was going to leave again. Its been a little nuts here. Of course he is loving every second of it. He’s plunged himself in to the Green Scene here, making connections and looking for work. Yes, he’s unemployed. It was a very difficult decision to have him move out here without a job. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for a few jobs that look very promising. We’ve had issues with Simmi’s health, issues with my health and now, in just a few days Noah and Shoshie will be leaving for the summer to be with their dad.

My hair continues to grow in and its starting to look pretty good. The photo is very deceiving though. Before I took that picture (and others) I applied a cosmetic concealer called DermMatch to my head. I have a good amount of hair that is permanently gone, but this concealer works like a charm making it look like I have a bountiful, full head of hair. I’m still learning how to use it properly, and as my hair continues to grow (and hopefully doesn’t fall out again) I’ll do an even better job at applying it. I highly recommend it for anyone that has thinning hair. I went a little crazy with the stuff though, and put so much on in certain areas that my head looked like I had just come out of coal mine. If I touched it, the dark pigment would rub off on my hands. Right now I need a lot of this stuff to make my hair look decent, and hopefully as it grows in, I’ll require less of it.

My transition back to raw foods will also be coming soon. We figured out a way for me to have tree nuts in the house. In another blog entry, I mentioned that it would be difficult for me to go back to raw foods because of Simmi’s food allergies, but we have found a way around that. On the side of my house, we have a sun room which we will be converting into a raw kitchen. I will be able to prepare raw meals without the possibility of cross contamination or potentially exposing her to tree nuts or seeds she may be allergic to. We don’t bring any type of nut product into the house, so a separate raw kitchen becomes the best way to ensure that we don’t have any problems.

I’m hoping to be back on track and NOT neglecting my blog very soon. I have a lot of catching up to do and so much to say that sometimes my mind just goes blank.

Bald Beauty of the Day

Tags: DermMatch, food allergies, hair loss remission, raw foods, raw kitchen, summer vacation

This One is for You Men

May 6, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Featured, Lifestyle, Men

16 Comments

Ok men, I have some questions for you and since I’m asking questions, I would LOVE for you to answer some of them. Think about what I’m going to say and answer honestly. My questions are about the fears that many women who are going bald have about their men leaving them or not being able to find a suitable mate because they are losing their hair.

So…here it goes:

You meet a woman unexpectedly and you are immediately attracted to her. You get to know her and guess what, you fall in love. She is everything you have ever wanted in a woman and she adores and loves you fully. Everything is going great for the first two years and now you are even considering marriage. Then, all the sudden her mood changes. She is less intimate, avoids being touched and is constantly in the bathroom looking at her hair. She doesn’t talk to you about it because quite frankly, she is afraid that she is going bald and that you will leave her. In her panicked state, she becomes even more withdrawn and emotionally she is no longer there for you. She doesn’t look at you the same anymore. She doesn’t even turn you on any more. Is it her hair? Or is it her attitude? Your woman finally confesses that she has been dealing with hair loss for a number of years and she is frantic about taking that next step with you. Her fear has gotten the best of her…or has it? Does she in fact have something to worry about? Will you leave her if she loses anymore hair? She shows you the areas of thinning hair, and you smile at her and say “I don’t see what you’re talking about.” Now she’s crying because either she is crazy or you are just being nice. She wanted to tell you sooner, but didn’t want to lose you. Is that shallow of her or would she be right on the mark thinking that you don’t want her anymore? How would you men feel if you knew the love of your life was losing her hair? Would you feel helpless?

Once the cat is out of the bag so to speak concerning hair loss, it opens up yet another door…endless chatter about her hair loss. Her inner compulsion and obsessive behavior about how her hair looks is now out on the table and it seems that is all she wants to talk about. You look at her and don’t know what to say and she cries again. Now she is crying all the time! So you are turned off, and now you don’t want to even listen to her anymore. Is it her hair? Is it the way she looks? Or is it something else?

This goes on for days, and days turn to weeks and months and all the sudden you look back and two more years have passed. Are you brave enough to stick it out or are you having second thoughts about this woman? She doesn’t look like she used to, she certainly doesn’t look at you the way she used to and its hard to always be talking about the same damn thing day after day. She is constantly asking you to check out her bald spots. You can see they are getting much worse, but you tell her that you love her no matter what. She says she wants a wig, she wants a laser comb, she wants $15,000 worth of laser therapy, she wants a hair system that gets glued to her head that costs $5,000 and then $250.00 per month thereafter, she wants a hair transplant, she has read extensively online and is purchasing more and more products that promise to grow hair. Are you in it for the long haul? What would you do? Would you support her in her quest to look “normal” and if so what are your real feelings about all of it? Or maybe you would give her what she wants just to shut her up so that you can both go back to your lives the way it was before she opened her mouth and told you about her hair loss problem.

Nothing you do snaps her out of it. You compliment her and she rejects the compliment. She doesn’t believe you. Over time you stop giving those compliments. You want to take her out for her birthday, but she would rather stay at home in a dark room looking up hair loss cures. You are incredibly hurt at this point…but are you in it for the long haul? Would you leave her then? Why the fuck would you stay with a woman like that? She is driving you crazy. You still get horny from time to time and she won’t come near you and if you touch her she flinches or is really tense. Why do you stay? Are you a glutton for punishment? Or is there more?

More time has passed and now she looks hideous. You are afraid to tell her that she looks like a cancer patient. She tries so hard to make her hair look full, but at this point it is no use. She definitely needs either a wig or she needs to shave it all off. Which do you prefer? The wig? It doesn’t stay on all the time you know. How about the bald look? Now, you aren’t going to offend me if you don’t think the bald thing is for you. But how do you feel about it? Would you embrace your wife or lover bald? Look at her! She is dieing inside. All the beauty has left her eyes and she never smiles anymore. What do you do? Would you finally leave her? What if she wanted to finally be done with all the hair and she wanted you to shave it all off for her. Would you do it?

You both come to the decision to shave her head. You look at her sitting there in the chair crying as usual, but something feels so right about shaving it all off. You take out the buzzer and shave off the first piece. Damn that feels good huh? Its like you are taking away the one thing that has put a wall between you and your lover! All the sudden, she’s not crying anymore. Its strange, but you come around the front of her and she looks peaceful, serene…beautiful. The silence is deafening in the room and then you start the buzzer again. You shave the rest of her hair off and she is as calm as a Hindu cow. She feels her head, but you can’t wait to look into her eyes again and as you do, you see your woman for the first time in years. Her eyes are shining, she is smiling, peaceful, and best of all, she is looking at you the way she used to. You take the next step and pull out the shaving cream and razor. She is ready. You lather her up and take out the razor and begin shaving her head. Why does this feel so right? Why does it feel so good? Do you want to leave her now that she is completely bald? Or are you in it for the long haul?

You take a long look at her and realize that she is just as stunning as the first day you saw her. There are new feelings of love that are sparked…new passion ignited. Is it because she now has no hair or is it because you just shared something so intimate? In the moment of her greatest fragility, you treated her with tenderness and love…

How do you feel about her now?

That little story is typical in the life of a man who lives with a woman suffering with hair loss. Many women will be able to relate to the story, but how many men can relate too? Women are deathly afraid of losing their hair, but even more afraid of losing their man. Does the fear turn into reality? I believe it can, but not because she is losing her hair…its because of her attitude and self consumed obsessive behavior. I believe that men deserve more credit for the love they have to share. You men constantly amaze me with the amount of tenderness and compassion you have. I know about this because you see, that little story is similar to what my husband went through. Did he stay? Absolutely. Is he in it for the long haul? Most certainly.

Ok, here is another scenario…

You see an attractive woman with GORGEOUS hair…man oh man, she is the full package. She’s beautiful, funny, great body and she’s got you. She also has a secret. You know she is hiding something, but you don’t pay too much attention. Then one day she drops the bomb on you…she was wearing a wig for the six months you were dating. She decides to take that wig off and show you because she is all torn up inside about hiding it. You are stunned. Is it her hair? Or is it the fact that she didn’t tell you in the first place? She didn’t know if she could trust you, but now she is in love and wants to get it all out in the open. Her hair doesn’t just look bad, it is god awful! Chunks of hair missing and not just that, the beautiful blond wig once removed revealed the true color of her almost non-existent hair. Do you run for the hills? Is the wig important to you? She has taken the attitude “If you love me it shouldn’t matter what I look like, and if you can’t handle it, screw you.” You are scared. You have never seen such a thing before, except on old ladies in the supermarket that try to tease their hair up and dye it red to look “younger.” What do you do? Is she still the full package, or is she damaged goods?

Here’s two more for you, and then I’ll shut up:

You meet a woman and there is something “off” about her. You are so drawn to her eyes and smile that you don’t notice that she is in fact going bald. Its noticeable. Would you date her? There is something about her that has you intrigued, and standing there beside her is a woman that has a full, thick beautiful head of hair, and she is stunningly beautiful…but she isn’t intriguing. What do you do? Would you go with the one that was intriguing or the one that seemed “perfect?”

Would you approach and ask out a completely bald woman? You have never seen one in person before, and now you can’t take your eyes off of her. You are stunned that you find her so attractive. What do you do? Is it her lack of hair that attracts you or is there something in her eyes?

Bald Beauty of the Day

Tags: balding wife, hair obsession, intimacy, relationships, trust, womens hair loss

Someone is Posing as Me!

May 3, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Featured, Lifestyle, My Rant, Women

17 Comments

As of May 2, 2009 the picture on the left is me. That’s right, this bald chick’s hair loss is going in remission. I won’t know for another six months if my hair is stable, but for now it is. I have both scarring and non-scarring Alopecia. Scarring Alopecia’s technical name is Cicatricial Alopecia. The scar exists under the skin and no outward signs of scarring can be seen. Upon close examination of my scalp, you will however see that there are no openings for hair to grow. The holes are closed up. This is a permanent loss of hair that can NEVER grow back. I have these spots all over my scalp. I also have been through a wide range of other forms of non-scarring Alopecia which is not permanent. Over the last five and a half years, I have not seen as much growth as I have now. I attribute this awesome hair growth to the lack of mold out here in the South West. Hair that seemed to be missing for so long has awakened like Sleepy Hollow. Those hairs that have been sleeping have chosen to awaken white as snow. It is definitely a very interesting look for me.

So here I am in all my glory. No make up, and newly growing almost full head of hair coming in. I posted that picture yesterday on the Women’s Hair Loss Project Network. Well, today, I get a private message on the Network from one of the ladies who was concerned about a blog site she stumbled upon and it had a picture of ME there. She gave me the link, and I was angry beyond all belief by what I saw. Let me give you a little background about the Women’s Hair Loss Project Network and Forum…

The Network and Forum were created to be a safe place for women to come and talk about their hair loss and seek comfort and support. I wrote an article about the Network if you would like to read it here. Anyway, one of the reasons I love the Network and Forum is that you will not find any kind of advertising for hair loss products of any kind. The owner of the site has dedicated her life to helping women who suffer from hair loss. There are lots of forums and membership sites out there and the one thing they all have in common is that they offer some sort of products. Now, there is nothing wrong with making money, but I believe that there should be at least one place in the whole of the world wide web where women can escape from being bombarded by someone peddling a wig, topper, laser comb, laser treatments, pills and potions all promising to grow that head of hair back. The hair loss product industry is huge! There is a lot of money to be made there. On the Alopecian Muse, I have also chosen NOT to sell any products related to hair loss. My reason? I believe that women can be beautiful bald, and if they see that there is yet another option in being bald, why not?! Not everyone can afford expensive wigs, hair systems, loony “laser therapy” that doesn’t work, hair loss potions, or harmful medication that may or may not help in the hair growth process. We are bombarded everyday with these things, and when you are a woman and you are going bald, you will try almost ANYTHING to get that head of hair back. One woman said to me joking around that if hair would grow back by strangers pissing on her head, she would let them do it just so it would grow again. Was she really joking? I don’t think so. Hair loss is such a deeply emotionally scarring process that leaves both men and women feeling less than beautiful. Less secure. Those of us who have experienced it have gone through times of isolation, pushing away even those we love the most out of self preservation.

So…who is the freaking poser? Well, it is obviously a new member of the Women’s Hair Loss Project Network. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you how many people peddling products sign up trying to sell their shit on the Network. Selling stuff will get you immediately banned from the site, but that doesn’t stop greedy people from trying anyway.

This woman copied pictures of me and a few other ladies on the Network and decided to post them on her blog as HER! Beyond the fact that it is not her in those photos, she is using the picture of ME and my new hair growth to sell an e-book titled “Reverse Female Hair Loss” written by a woman named Ashley Michaels. Why would this chick need to use pictures of women on the Network instead of her own? Not only that, but gives a bogus testimony? It is all a big lie and hoax! This woman is trying to get her piece of the hair loss pie and wants to use unsuspecting women to do so! Do you see anything wrong with that? Here are two screen shots of her site:

I plan on also leaving a nice little blog on the Network directed at her, so after I do that she may actually remove the site and/or pictures. I thought a few screen shots were in order just in case she does decide to take down the site. I will also be reporting this to the company she is trying to make money from…namely Ashley Michaels. There are genuinely sincere people out there that do want to help women with hair loss, and I don’t want to disparage Ashley Michaels name or e-book because I have not read it. I don’t know if her book is just a big lie, or if there is some truth to it. One thing I do know though…if I were selling an e-book and bogus claims were being employed, I would sue their asses for everything they got.

A little message for Miss Becky from “Becky’s Hair Loss Blog”:

Becky,

You have come onto the Network “claiming” to be a woman in need of support for your hair loss, but all you have done is show that you are a money grubbing, hair loss whore trying to make money off the misery and vulnerability of others. Why use our photos? Why not use your own? You make me sick beyond belief.

Go crawl back under that rock you came from you fucking snake!

No Longer Yours,

Angela

For anyone wishing to leave Miss Becky a comment on her blog about all this, I highly encourage it! She may end up removing it, so get over there as quickly as possible and leave her your thoughts! Spread the love my friends. What she did was wrong, make sure to let her know!

Here is her site:

http://beckyshairlossblog.blogspot.com/

Bald Beauty of the Day

Tags: Ashley Michaels, Becky's Hair Loss Blog, deception, hair loss products, hoax, impersonating, poser, Womens Hair Loss Project Network

Does Torture Really Keep America Safe?

April 22, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Featured, Lifestyle, My Rant, Politics, religion

3 Comments

Does torture really keep America safe? Who actually believes that? Beyond the fact that torture of any human being is reprehensible and disgusting is the “belief” by Mr. Dick Cheney himself that the release of the “Torture Memo’s” will make our country less safe. It will piss off the terrorists and allow them to “train” for such events if they are ever captured. Is it any wonder the Bush administration lied about it for such a long time? Isn’t it easier to cast doubt and make it look like some sort of open conspiracy than to actually admit to something as sociopathic and psychotic as torture? Who are we? We have known that torture has been going on since around 2002, yet we have chosen to blindly believe what the past administration told us.

Mr. Bush is a born again Christian after all! He believes in the sanctity of life, preservation of marriage between a man and a woman, oh and lets not forget about the ban embryonic stem cell research. I guess people taken in for questioning against their will because someone somewhere had possible credible evidence that the person had some kind of knowledge about an incident involving some kind of group, and then tortured repeatedly and kept against their will and against our laws without proper representation or even being charged with something makes them less than human and therefore open to such treatment. Did you understand what I just said? Should people be taken into custody, held against their will, tortured for YEARS because they “might” know something? How does that keep us safe? I wonder how many men actually know NOTHING at all, and instead of admitting that they were taken in and kept against their will and releasing them, the government just keeps holding on to them. What could be worse than the prison releasing them and sending them back to their country? Well, what would be worse is if those innocent people went back and told their story and their government bringing charges against us. So lets just keep them imprisoned. There are a lot of people being held not only in this country, but around the world, and the thing most certainly forgotten is the fact that these men haven’t been convicted of anything. Everyone is afraid of closing down Gitmo because where will the detainees go? EXACTLY! Where do they go? We don’t even know if they are guilty of anything. We just keep holding on to them.

The thought of releasing them to possibly go back to their country and plan an attack on us strikes terror in so many and is a part of the conditioning that we have had about Muslims or Islam since 9/11 happened. Part of that conditioning has been the ability to fling the law behind the previous administrations back and keep people detained for years without representation and without being charge with a crime.

So how do Christians feel about all this? Do you believe that it is a means to an end? That a little evil is ok for the greater good? I have noticed that the Religious Right has been very quiet about it. Why? You’re vocal about abortion, which is the snuffing out of human life and in many cases actually torturous for unborn children to endure before they are killed…so is the torture of an innocent full grown man any different? And if he is guilty, does that make it more acceptable? I guess the much quoted bible verse “Love your enemies” means something else huh? Now don’t get high and mighty with me, I’m not saying that you would have to invite these people into your home for a spot of tea, but how about speaking up for those who have no voice right now? You do it for the unborn, so why not for the ethical and humane treatment of real live human beings? Even PETA has nothing to say about this. I guess the torture of animals is far worse than the torture of humans.

Torture does not make our country safe. What it does is erode the moral fiber of our country and turn us into sadistic people if we continue to support such things. Christians may say that abortion and gay marriage and embryonic stem cell research actually erodes the moral fiber, as does pornography or drugs, but I will leave you with a final thought-

What does it mean to be godly? Do we really know? To be like the most High God, what does it take? I was asked that once and I had to really sit and ponder it for a while before I answered. My answer to that question was simple. In order to be like the Most High God, you must first realize that others have free will. God does not prevent us from making mistakes or from living our lives. While some might say the answer is to hate sin, or not be a homosexual, to not have sex before marriage, to not lie or manipulate, I believe that it goes even deeper. Its hard to give others free will. We live in a land full of laws. But when do we allow free will to kick in? Another thing I have heard is “Love the sinner and hate the sin.” Such things are directed at us, not the other person. We are to love those who may sin AND not do that thing we call sin. It isn’t meant to prevent others from living their lives, it is meant to offer up our own free will to our Creator out of love for Him and at the same time, reflect that same love back to those we believe are “sinners.” Free will was given so that we may love our Creator freely…to make a choice to direct our hearts towards Him and abide with Him. If we do not offer the beautiful gift of free will to others, are we reflecting the Will of God or the will of ourselves yet standing behind the words of God concerning His thoughts on a matter?

I’m sure that I have opened up a theological can of worms, but I had to say it. I have been pretty silent when it comes to topic of religion, so there it is. Religion is such a deeply personal choice, but I’m really interested to know what Christians in particular feel about the subject of torture. Is it a sin to you? Do you condone it? Or maybe you will take the moral high ground and claim that it was the free will of Dick Cheney and George Bush to institute such tactics. To that, I say that while they have free will, they are not above the law, and as such, while they do have free will and used it, there are consequences according to the law. So should they face those consequences and be charged with war crimes? Part of morality is justice, so will justice be denied? I have far too many questions and of course my own ready opinion…what I want are your opinions. What are your thoughts?

Tags: 9-11, abortion, Christian beliefs about torture, Dick Cheney, drugs, embryonic stem cell research, fear, free will, gay marriage, godliness, homosexuality, Islam, living above the law, Most High God, Muslims, open conspiracy, PETA, pornography, religion, Religious Right, sin, sinners, terrorists, torture, torture memos, war crimes

The Beautiful Susan Boyle

April 18, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Acceptance, Featured, Lifestyle, Women

4 Comments

By now, everyone has heard about Susan Boyle, the woman who made every one’s jaw drop as she opened her mouth to sing. I LOVE this woman for her absolutely endearing personality, wonderful voice and stunning beauty. That’s right, I said stunning beauty. I have listened to what others have said about this Scottish Lass and I beg to disagree with their charges that she is not easy on the eyes!

I found it appalling that certain news sources would say something to the effect of this:

“Susan Boyle is an example for all those women out there in the world like her.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Women like her? Is that their way of saying that she is homely, ugly, a dog? She has been called a spinster, “never been kissed”, and lots of other things. They wanted to do a “make over” on her and her response to them was something that only a perfect person could say. Basically she didn’t want to alter her appearance too much because then she wouldn’t be “real.” She didn’t want to give in to appearances and create a “falsehood.” What an elegant way to stick it to the media!

So, why did everyone think that this woman couldn’t sing? Was it because she wasn’t “perfect” according to society’s standard? She was sassy, had personality, and EVERYONE laughed at her and rolled their eyes. You know, all those people that couldn’t sing, couldn’t bear to be themselves physically and probably altered their own physical beauty to “fit in.” Who doesn’t alter their appearance? But back to the original question…why did everyone think she couldn’t sing? I must be really stupid, because I never believed that vocal chords were directly related to facial features and body size! Wow, I feel so sheepish! Here I was thinking that the discipline of singing had to do with vocal training and years of practice.

Is everyone amazed that she can sing because of the way she looks? Why? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever witnessed. Was it her age? She is only seven years older than I am! If I got up to sing (and yes I can sing) and people saw me out there, would they laugh at me because I’m a fat 40 year old bald chick? What makes me any different than this siren sensation from Scotland?

Let me tell you what makes her so unbelievably beautiful, not just on the inside, but outwardly too. It is that she is and will always be who God made her to be. It is pure, unadulterated beauty. We suffer from illusions everyday. Women and men are constantly doing things to change who they are physically, and when someone comes along that bucks that illusion, we actually end up adoring them because they do what we only dream of. When someone doesn’t live in the shadows, afraid of what others will think about them, we admire them for their courage, strength and tenacity. Outward beauty they say fades with age, but I don’t believe that either. I think that with time, a person becomes more lovely. Her eyes are lovely and she shows what a real woman looks like. They put make up on her and I thought to myself, “Why?” Is it for our sakes? I think it is. It isn’t that physically she can’t be stomached, its because we can’t take the reality that she is real and we are not. Would she be easier on the eyes with a make over? Yes, but not for the reasons you may think. We have taken on societies twisted and skewed beliefs about what real beauty looks like, and if she puts on that make up, wears some nice clothing, loses some weight then WE will feel better about ourselves. That is at the heart of all of this. It is for the public’s sake that she is asked to do this…not for hers. She is perfect as she is. Her unspoiled purity can not be easily viewed by those who must live according to society’s rules about beauty and appearances. To change her amounts to the Gilding of a Lily.

Bald Beauty of the Day

Tags: physical beauty, singing sensation, Susan Boyle, true beauty

Bound By Silence

April 15, 2009 by Angela
Filed under Featured, Lifestyle

8 Comments

Its been a while since I last wrote an entry, and I have so many things to say but I felt bound by a strange desire to stay silent and I can not for the life of me figure out why.

My heart is grieved by what I hear in the news, and my mind is cluttered with thoughts and images of events of the recent past.

As I was researching for my new article “Craigs List Trash or Treasure: The Naughty Edition” (still yet to be completed) I felt dirty and horrified by the depravity of some that would put themselves out there for the world to see and view. My original intention for wanting to write the article was to talk about prostitution and how some women were using Craigslist to sell their bodies just to pay the bills. What I found instead was nothing more than pornography in the “Personals” on Craigslist. I felt sorry for these people. Some showed their faces, others showed just genitals or other body parts and bodies in compromising positions. It was disturbing to my soul to see such loneliness and the absolute need to be touched or wanted sexually.

The following is from a married man:

muscular cum spurtter, clean ,discreet 4 u - m4w (alb general area)

Hey

Muscular easygoing discreet white horny male 5 11 190lbs small waist clean cut squeeky clean hung and very discreet. I am married need more fun. I can meet most weekdays and sometimes in an evening. Very open minded and approachable. Stamina of bull cum like a horse. Love to meet a cool down to earth clean female, any age or race, thin to hwp as a sex buddy or fwb. Regular hookups are way cool and I am not looking for a druggie, escort, web cam girl or any of that nonsense. I will not join another website. If you are cool and really looking for a safe fun muscular sex buddy, I am your guy. You will need to host or we can find a place. Married, single, divorce etc is all good. I am real, horny as hell and can put out a lot so put me to the test. Oral anal vanilla or fetish is cool. Very open minded here

I have pixs for girls that are really interested. Feel free to send one or two to me. You get my cell number then to. Ok with texting to start out but I am not a cyber guy so let’s hookup and have fun

Thanks

Richie

What is he thinking? What’s wrong with him? Listen up married women in the Albuquerque area, if this sounds like your husband I’d recommend searching through the Personals on Craigslist to see if this is your husband! Any woman or man that thinks their mate is cheating on them should regularly check the “Casual Encounter” section of your local Craigslist Personals!

In the same section of “Casual Encounters” I found an interesting ad…this one, to me sounds a lot like solicitation for prostitution, yet isn’t there a fine line between prostitution and paid pornography? Is there a difference? How come when a woman or man is filmed in a sex act and then compensated its called pornography, BUT if no camera is present its called prostitution? What is the difference…I’d really like to know! Here is the ad:

Are you eighteen? - m4w (hotel)

If so then i am currently looking for an eighteen to twenty something to do a photo and video shoot with (swimsuit, lingerie, etc.). Im looking for a petite to not much larger gal please. You must be comfortable in front of the camera, a positive attitude, and ready to have fun. Please no drugs, std’s, children, or friends. This will be a one on one private session with lots of teasing and foreplay, followed up by a passionate sexual climax. You will be compenstated for your time immediatley after the session. I am a 30 yr old buisness man who first and foremost always treats a lady like a lady.I am not into any kinky stuff and also abide by the following list of requirments. I will be coming into the albuquerque area starting on monday and look to have something booked soon. So if you are interested then please do not hesitate and send a consideration photo. I am extremely busy and will not be joining an other sites to chat, I truely hope that you understand. If you do not submite a photo then you will recieve no response. And lady please understand that there are still some good guys left.

These are just two examples of what can be found on Craigslist. Check it out in your area for yourself. At a later time I will complete my article for “The Naughty Edition” because right now, as I said earlier, my heart is overwhelmed by what I have been reading about and seeing on TV. Lately, it has been almost unbearable. Mothers murdering their children, a Sunday school teacher accused of kidnapping, raping and murdering her daughter’s friend, ridiculous GOP Tea Parties with older people crying out against socialism yet when they get home they will be waiting for that Social Security check to come in the mail. Pirates holding innocent people hostage for money…GOD! These last two weeks have been too much to bear for me.

I’ll find the words to capture my feelings on these topics, but for now I sit bound by this strange silence and my only request is that you bear with me. I don’t have writers block, that’s for sure. I’m holding back the temptation to sound off on what I see without actually having all the facts.

My heart is heavy, saddened by the world around me.

Bald Beauty of the Day

Tags: bound by silence, cheating husbands, Craigslist, craigslist personals, GOP Tea Party, pirates take hostages, pornography, prostitution, socialism, strange silence

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