Shh!!! I’m Hiding!

For five years I have looked at having alopecia as something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I often felt that horrible feeling but never really explored what it meant to me personally. What was it exactly that I was so embarrassed of? Was it the loss of my hair? Maybe that was part of it, but that wasn’t all of it. Losing my hair was a big deal, but does that mean I was vain? At the time I thought so. I hid it away, where it sat and festered like an angry boil, hot and throbbing…I began to hate myself for thinking I was vain. Loathing the very idea, that, as someone who has never cared about the appearances of others’, I couldn’t stand to look at myself. How did that happen? Was God bringing me through some test to reveal hidden vanity? I searched my soul, and yet I couldn’t repent. Was I in denial? I have always loved who I am, but now, my world was rocked by this fear that I was in fact vain! Why couldn’t I repent? I searched some more, and realised that it wasn’t vanity…it was my hiding.
I have always believed in being who I was no matter what. I cared very little whether people accepted me based on my looks, personality, spirituality or mental ability. But I became duplicitous. I became a false witness unto myself, and decieved everyone around me.
I repented before God for my duplicitousness and the shame and embarrassment melted away.
So where do I go from here?
I have read through many comments and blogs, and some of the things that I have gleaned from this beautiful Alopecian family of mine, is that many wish they could “come out.” They have hoped for a way to let others know that they do not have cancer, and wished that they didn’t have to keep explaining to everyone that was curious. They longed for a way to be able to spot a fellow Alopecian in the crowd, just to send a smile or even be able to approach them. But how do we do that?
I believe there is a way. Isn’t it possible for us to tell others “I am an Alopecian?” Instead of always having to say “I have alopecia?”
As I was thinking of those two sayings, I realised that to say “I am an Alopecian” conveys a feeling of acceptance that “this is who I am physically.” And to say “I have alopecia”, well, it sounds like a it could be contagious. It leaves a feeling of fear with the person who may have never heard of it before. Words are powerful. They can hurt, but they can also heal.
Can we in some way legally make Alopecians yet another tribe of people? There are laws that are created for people with disabilities, sexual orientation, race, religion, and even animals. I know that all of us fit into many of these categories, but I think that the law should be revisited for Alopecians.
I believe that as Alopecians, we can be proud of the fact that we can blend into the world around us, and we can also stand out. It is our right. To tell others “I am an Alopecian”, is to inform them of two simple truths…first, that our hair falls out and sometimes grows back and second, that we change. It gives women and men the freedom to wear what feels most comfortable for them on their heads and it gives them the option to go aunatural if they want to. I think by saying to others “I am an Alopecian”, we are no longer trying to fit into their mold of perceived beauty, and we make it “normal” to blend or stand out whenever we feel like it.
This leads me to a question for all of you…
Would you be interested in adopting a symbol to represent the Alopecian? I would love to start an international campaign to not only to bring awareness to alopecia in its many forms, but also to be officially known as Alopecians. I would like to adopt the chameleon for the campaign, because we can blend or we can stand out! It could be a beautiful pin, a necklace or some sort of jewelry…a tee-shirt or symbol on a hat. Whatever you would like to wear, that can be identified by other Alopecians out there. How many suffer in silence? I think it can be a clever way for others to know…AND for us to find each other out there.
What do you think?
On a personal note, I feel really exposed right now. LOL I wanted to share my personal deep feelings, and I, in no way am saying that others that may have read my personal confession are just like me. My desire was to share where I came from, and where I want to go from here. But I can’t do it alone, nor do I want to.