Self Acceptance is a Hard Mistress

I always think of self-acceptance as a “Hard Mistress” if I am not married to it. In our lives during the times of hair loss, we may “mess around” with self-acceptance, but never fully commit to it. This makes self-acceptance a mistress instead a life long lover and partner. We make self-acceptance a temptress, seductive and alluring, but always some how just beyond our reach, calling on her when we are bored with what we have chosen to “marry” and be our life long partner.

I, like so many other people out there chose to “marry” the acceptance that the world and society said was right for me. She was that perfect beauty, ageless, flawless, always fun, carefree and rich. I chose her because everyone around me told me that she was worth it, and that I would be happy if I espoused her and embraced her. But on my wedding night I found that she was not at all what everyone told me she would be. She was cruel, harsh, demanding and full of contempt for my imperfections. She was impatient with my frailties and found them to be totally unacceptable. She mocked me for not looking like the “beautiful people” and said I was less than worthy when I needed her most. Her love for me was based only on what I could give her and how I could make her feel and she gave nothing in return. Her love was an illusion and her beauty faded. I began to avoid her, isolating myself and retreating from all her friends. I feared rejection from her so I kept trying to please her!
But along came this mistress called self-acceptance. She could look deep within my soul and see me for who I was. She had a way of making me feel so special and when I was with her time stood still. She was wise, caring and knew me so completely. When I gazed upon her, it aroused me to be a better person, filled with passion, drive, courage, and life. But she wanted more than I was willing to give and I wasn’t willing to leave the one I married. Feeling hurt, my mistress retreated and hid from me. One day I was filled with jealousy because I saw her with another lover! What could I do to have her back? How do I tell her that she means more to me than the one I chose to marry?

Shall I go home to the one I married, miserable and defeated? Or shall I find my mistress and take her once again and make a committment to love her and adore her…to cherish her and show her just how much she means to me.
She will accept nothing less than that, and that is why she is such a Hard Mistress.