Back to School

Well, its that time of year again where kids everywhere flock back to school. The clothes are purchased, the school supplies are bountiful and the nervous excitement comes over them as they begin to bring wrap their minds around another year of school. “What will my teachers be like? Will I be in classes with my friends? What pretty girl or good looking boy will I meet?” For my son Noah, its just a little different than that. He will be entering a new school district where he doesn’t know any of the kids. The apprehension was running high for him over the last few days because of a mix up in where he thought he would be attending. We live in the village of Los Lunas, and just assumed that he would be attending the Los Lunas Middle School, so my husband took him down to register him there. Noah was very impressed with the school and was truly excited and looking forward to going there. Then bad news struck from across the street. We live across the street from a retired sheriff who actually works at the school Noah should have been signed up for. My neighbor started talking about the school and filling Noah in on the kinds of kids that attend, but Noah had his heart set on going to the other middle school. Nothing would snap him out of the bad news. He had visions of some back woods school where guns and knives were the norm I think. Yesterday I had to take him to the “other” middle school and he was dreading it the whole drive. I found the address of the school, and that is where the odyssey of actually reaching the destination began! Google driving directions let me down big time as drove in circles around the same area thinking that I must have left out a street or something like that. We were driving for well over an hour, asking random people if they knew where the school was…to no avail. We called the school for directions, yet the directions they gave were not helpful at all, especially since all the major street signs out on the mesa were non-existent. Driving down long stretches of road in the desert, turning around and going in another direction was just making me nuts! Finally we pull into an elementary school and decide to ask there for directions. Did we get proper directions from this elementary school? NO! Finally a parent in the school was able to give us the actual directions. The middle school wasn’t close like others had said…nope, it was more than six miles away in a direction that we would have never gone.

We got to the school, and I was impressed with the school staff, the building and also what they had to offer Noah in terms of being in the gifted and talented program. I truly think that he had visions of being in some hot trailer out on the mesa somewhere near a shanty town of some sort. Not true. It was a very nice school.

As I write this, Noah is busy getting ready to go. Today will be an “off day” for him and many other new students who will be sitting in the guidance counselor’s office awaiting their schedule. Noah’s biggest fear was being in classes that don’t challenge him since he is an advanced student, excelling in every class he takes. The guidance counselor was able to relieve those fears when she told him that she would place him in pre-AP courses. I know that he felt better about that.

I’ll miss having him here during the day! He is such a great kid. While many parents celebrate the first day of school because their kids drove them crazy all summer, I’ll be singing a dirge.

*just a little side note…

In the pictures I posted of Noah, you can see all the big ass green tumble weeds. He and my husband have been busy removing all of them. Tumble weeds set seed with their prickly seed getting into everything. As those seeds fall to the ground, we pick them up on the bottom of our shoes and actually end up tracking them into the house! If you’ve never had one of these things stuck in your foot, I can liken it to stepping on a sharp tack! The secret is to remove them before they set seed, and hopefully each year the amount of tumble weeds decrease.

A Random Soundoff

There are times in a person’s life when sounding off becomes a vital part of their emotional health. Its good to voice opinion, speak our minds and find a way to be heard. I haven’t taken advantage of that in the last seven or eight months since my life has changed in so many ways. I’ve been pretty silent and kept many things to myself. I’ve done quite a bit of introspection, been through a mini-hellish health crisis, and I have a lot on my mind concerning the world, my family and life in general. Where do I begin when I have been away from my blog for so long? My last entry was in April February on this particular blog. I have posted on some of my other blogs, but this one has definitely suffered…and I apologize.

I see such a restlessness in others and I often wonder why they can’t sit still. By “others” I just mean people that I may see out on the street, in a blog or in the news. (This restlessness I see has nothing to do with those whom I may be intimately involved, like my children, husband or close friends.)  It’s like these people are so tightly bound inside that they can’t be free enough to just be still. To sit and appreciate their lives or those around them. It’s a restless malice and a need to blame everyone around them. There is a lack of contentment that causes them to want more and more from others. Whether its material goods, even though they have more than enough, or emotional demands that leave others feeling less than perfect. Why is there such ugliness and malcontent? So much anger covered over with a smile and a wicked deed made to look innocent and pure? Most don’t even know why they do it, but its like a drug for which they are hopelessly addicted. Malcontent. Anger. Deception. Placing blame on others. “My life is so horrible because so and so hurt me and I can’t get over it.” Let me tell you a little bit about that statement made by people the world over. Even I have fallen victim to such thoughts and actions in the past, and what I’ve learned is that such statements are merely an excuse for bad behavior and a lack of accountability. If a person would like to blame their hangups on past hurts, and then direct misplaced anger on an innocent person, all they need to say is “I can’t help it, I was hurt in the past and I have a hard time trusting others now.” What a crock of bullshit! Anytime such a statement is made they are not only lying to themselves but to everyone around them. They will also say “I can’t forgive so and so for what they did to me.” Really? You can’t forgive? You want to be forgiven if another was offended by something you did, but you can’t forgive? No…that’s the diving board from which a person takes a plunge off into the deep end of bad behavior and treating others like shit. “I can’t forgive someone who hurt me ten years ago, so I’m going to treat this totally new person in my life like shit because of it.” That makes no sense at all. It is nothing more than a way to excuse and justify your bad form.

It should be so crystal clear that such people who think they can get off the hook by stating “I can’t help being this way because I’ve been so hurt in the past” that these people are toxic human beings, incapable of true love or compassion. Narcissistic people are never truly concerned about those around them, just how everything is going to affect them personally. Even upon reading this blog entry, I’m sure that there will be those who do think and act with malcontent who will actually believe that I have written this with them in mind. Like it is a personal attack. Nope…not at all, I’m just here to say that its not so hidden and you can’t get off the hook so easily when it comes to your behavior.

These malcontents are not victims, but perpetrators who cannot seem to break the cycle of hurting others. Even though they know what it’s like to be hurt, they continue to hurt others ruthlessly. It’s an underhanded sneaky kind of ruthlessness usually covered over with some “good deed.” Why not just be forthrightly cruel so the real victim can make a choice as to whether they want to continue to be in relationship? The reason is, if a person can be underhanded and cover their tracks, when another figures out what they are doing, that perpetrator can say “how can you say such things after all I’ve done for you! What’s wrong with you? You are ungrateful, mean, and all I’m trying to do is love you.” Yeah, that sounds like love right?

So what’s the M.O. of these people? Their reputation is above all the most important thing. They need to look some what important yet act like they don’t care what others think. They are often involved in philanthropy of some sort, but will not truly give to their own families. They are kinder to strangers and those in need rather than those around them. They are always on the go, always moving around and looking like they are so busy. They make statements like “I don’t do anything for approval” or “I just want to reach out and help all the little children in the world” while not attending to their own children. Status is important, and acquiring things is extremely important. These people not only collect “things” but also other people. They look generous but they are very greedy. Nothing is ever given as a real gift, but has an emotional payment attached. They will use the word “misunderstanding” a lot, and nit pick at other people’s tiny imperfections.

How does a perpetrator free him or herself from the bonds of such sadistic behavior? They must forgive others and themselves. Forgiveness actually has nothing to do with letting the offending person off the hook. It is about freeing yourself from need to hate, to be angry, to be hurt and lead an unproductive life. Life is so precious, and shouldn’t be consumed with an unforgiving nature. Being unforgiving ages a person beyond their years, and it takes its toll on everyone around them. Forgiveness is freedom in disguise and it is the secret to contentment and enjoyment of others around us.

Some believe that they can’t forgive. What happened to them in the past was so horrible that forgiveness is not an option. Forgiveness is the only option if you ever want to find true peace, love, contentment and happiness.

Give forgiveness a chance.

A Shift in My Thought Life

The following entry is from our new blog site “The High Desert Chronicles.”

Our family has dreams of starting a homestead…that much is clear, but where? Where do we settle down? We found some land out in the Parajito Mesa and we just fell in love with it. There’s a catch though. The property is landlocked! When we called the realtor back to tell her we were interested, she told me this:

“You can purchase the land, but you can’t live on it legally.” Huh? “Why?” I asked. She stated that the Parajito Mesa is a part of a land scam from many years ago, and the developer never mapped out the plots of land correctly or put in the necessary roads. Basically all of the Parajito land is private, and in order for us to purchase a plot of land, we would need to create access. But from where? There are no legal easements and no legal street address. We would have to plow a road right through someone’s property to access ours. Obviously that isn’t a great idea, nor is it good for having a decent relationship with our neighbors.

The Parajito Mesa is home to about 400 families. As I did some research on it, what I found was heartbreaking. It made me actually want to move there despite the fact that it is illegal. Would we put our family at risk by doing that? Nope. So I had to think of a different way. If we were to live out there, we wouldn’t be able to get mail, be able give a legal change of address, update information on drivers license or other important documents and my grand daughter wouldn’t be able to get her much needed Medicaid. So why do I want to be out there so bad? For me, it has to do with three things I see…the disenfranchised, social justice and environmental justice. These three things are huge, and as time goes by, dreams can become diminished and finally replaced with despair. Does it have to be that way though? It seems as though they are forgotten and left out there to just exist or die. I’m unsure why the burden in my heart is so heavy for these families, but it is there none the less. I guess my thought is that the people on Parajito Mesa have an opportunity to make their own homesteads if they wanted. I believe that any family that is willing to make their lives better should have access to the tools and knowledge that would make that life an actual reality.

What can we do? How can we help? I believe that if we were to purchase a house with some land near the Parajito Mesa, we could begin to open up our home to those who would seek something more for their families. As we build our homestead in that region, others who are interested could come along side of us, learning the principles of water harvesting, earthworks and permaculture and bring that back to their own land and begin incorporating those techniques and principles. I don’t have any visions of grandeur, just a simple desire to help those who want help.

Most of the families out there are on ten acres of land each. How much food can grow on ten acres? I say that rhetorically, because even an 1/8 of an acre can be intensely gardened to produce thousands of pounds of food per year. They each have way more than an 1/8 of an acre which makes it possible to grow many different kinds of fruit trees, acres to grow grains, agave, and so many other types of fruits and veggies. Is the lack of water the problem? If they are conventional farmers, yes. But I believe if they begin to understand how earthworks and water harvesting principles work, they will be able to actually cultivate their land, build their soil and create something absolutely stunning. They are worth it, don’t you think?

If there are any permaculturalists in the area looking for a worthy cause to donate your time and talent, you can contact me by filling out the form on my Contact page. I would love to hear from you.

Here is a video I found on youtube about the Parajito Mesa:

The Long Recovery Road

I’m starting to feel like my “old self” again instead of just feeling old! Since the end of October and into November 09′ I started to feel really run down. I was forgetting things easier, my mind was clouded and I could only do one thing mentally at a time. Being a multi-tasker online, I found it increasingly difficult to have more than one tab open and I would start to get flustered really easily. My heart would race in anxiety and depression soon set in. This was no ordinary depression where I would feel down on myself…no, this was an all out emotional assault inwardly. I would look in the mirror and see this old and very very bloated woman, “Who are you?” I would say to myself. Things got increasingly worse as I would feel my lungs crackle and holler. The looming fear was that I would get pneumonia again. Having almost lost my life to pneumonia more than once, my husband would lay anxious at night hearing my lungs from his side of the bed. Thoughts of me in intensive care, hooked up to a bi-pap machine and tubes coming out of me caused fear to set in. We only needed to wait a few more weeks until our insurance kicked in and I could get my five year pneumonia shot (I was due!) and onto the proper medication and steriods.  I was holding up ok, dealing with the crackling lungs and wheezing day and night when on Christmas Eve I took a turn for the worse. I could no longer stand up, I was weak and dizzy and my cough was getting worse. I pretty much ruined Christmas for everyone as I laid in bed through most of that following week. I got into urgent care where a one armed doctor refused to do a chest film and just prescribed Advair, Prednisone and Abuterol. My insurance had just kicked in and we were able to fill the prescriptions. I told him that I needed a pneumonia shot and antibiotics since I do know what pneumonia is like, but he wouldn’t prescribe it.

Not getting any better on the steriods, I saw my primary physician and he listened to my lungs. “Yup, you have pneumonia” he said, and he prescribed me the proper antibiotics as well as more Advair and also Singulair. During that time he also ran some blood work on me, and my thyroid came back low.

Since then, the antibiotics have done there job, and the medication I’m on for hypothyroid is really helping to get me back on track. I don’t feel like an old woman any more, and I feel my brain starting to function as it used to. I’m a little more sharp, a little more sassy and I look forward to the day when everything goes back to normal for me. I know recovering from pneumonia takes a while, but so does having a hypothyroid. I’m taking it day by day and moment by moment. The best part of it all is that the depression is totally gone. I beat myself up for a while there wondering why I couldn’t snap out of the funk I was in. I was never the type of person to become depressed or beat myself up emotionally. I’m glad those chains have been broken, and that the little butterfly gland known as my thyroid is starting to get the help it needs!

Bald Beauty of the Day

Happy Holidays

I thought I might amuse you all this holiday season with a few other JibJab creations…ENJOY!

Oh, and one more because I LOVE Weird AL!

Have a very safe and awesome Holiday!

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